[Me]

2007-12-23T20:27:00.000-08:00

hello, i've moved.
asordidescape.livejournal.com

2007-10-09T03:20:00.001-07:00

i am the biggest loser on this planet. its marking day today and everyone is out having a good time while im stuck at home cleaning/decorating the house and making stupid kuih ))))))): i wanna go out i'm depressed )))): i think i should really learn how to read msgs properly. i end up misunderstanding the msg and being sad for nothing haha, i'm so embarrassed. i'm such a loser sigh.

2007-09-29T10:59:00.000-07:00

6 more days ):

Maybe, to a certain extent, i am like Amanda in The Glass Menagerie. i escape the harsh reality by living in the past, just hoping and hoping, knowing that it'll never be the way it used to be. you can't always get back what you used to have. it's true, when they say, that not having any problems at all doesn't always mean you're happy. i'm sorry, i'm being sentimental. i'd rather not post how i feel here cause i think its totally unappropriate. but i have nowhere else to express how i feel. i'm a bad person. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was more understanding, tolerant etc etc. this is killing me. i guess human beings never seem to appreciate what they alr have. instead they complain and complain for what they dont have.

anyway, i need to lose weight during the fast month or i'll never be able to fit into my baju kurung during the hari raya. i wish i could run and take a permanent vacation. i miss the beach. i miss the times when we used to do things as a family. i need a break. its draining me out. maybe its the exam stress. i shouldn't be blogging.

ps: this post was never written.

2007-08-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE THE LAST ONE TO KNOW THE LOCK ON THE DOOR HAS CHANGED?

it's as if i'm invisible, just passing by,
not knowing what i'm doing with my own life.

2007-08-08T20:48:00.000-07:00

i hate disappointments, it makes you fall down, down, down. & you're expected to get yourself back up after each and every disappointment. i don't know whats going on, i'm clueless to every single thing happening around me, and right now i can't be bothered to care. anyway on a brighter note, happy national day! i did a countdown to national day tell me i'm a patriotic citizen haha.

2007-07-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

dude, i can feel my thighs wobbling when i walk, i am terribly upset DDDDDD: now i'm fat and ugly no one will love me D: haha i realised i'm always blogging about how i'm fat and ugly, i think i should stop. but i really am D: anyway, oh my playing hockey at my void deck with my mother is so darn hilarious. haha i love my mummy alot alot alot!((: discouraged, but not defeated. i'm not giving up, because i can do it(: thanks for the encouragement, i needed it((:

2007-07-21T10:10:00.000-07:00

Dear God, please help me. I'm losing myself.

2007-07-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

last night, i promised myself never to go for anymore events hosted at night, because it always gets ruined one way or other. and i love my mother more than i love anyone else in the whole wide world. hard to believe, but true. and i hate school that i don't really mind being transferred out of crescent this time round, since my parents used to threaten me to kick me out of crescent. but then again, without crescent i wouldnt be playing and hockey and i wouldn't have such great (and not to mention annoying, haha) friends. i'm gonna start being a good girl now and start studying, i dont care. and i think liy and jessica is very nice, thank you(: i also think that the Nathan sth sth who perfomed last night for bob was omg so frigging hot me nat and shyan were like drooling. so hot so hot! i can't be bothered with anything anymore, bye.

2007-07-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

a stranger came up to me yesterday and said that i looked stupid. though i felt really insulted, i guess he was right all along. i am stupid. sigh. i'm scared. i'm so scared. i'm really really scared.
& i love nat because she made me feel so much calmer and better. i. am. so. screwed. die nadiah dieeeeeeeeeeeeee. DDDDDDDDDDDDD:

2007-07-08T20:00:00.000-07:00

Whispers, "hello, i miss you quite terribly"

the past week has been a really bad week. i think i was jinxed man. bird shit plus rice all over me plus YO plus so many others. couldn't have gotten any better. a whole series of unfortunate events. my diet failed terribly. and now im fat and ugly D: anyway! its only 4 hours more to 12 midnight!!! ((((:
hello i love kakak.
hahaha my sister typed that. see see she loves me! (only because i asked her to type it. but she didnt violently object to typing that!) haha im so bored im playing icy tower! so fun so fun! haha i read my diary which i wrote when i was sec one. it felt so weird reading it it felt like i was reading someone else's diary. haha it was highly amusing, not to mention disgusting. haha and on one of the pages i wrote, "i hope that one day, you would just look at me and smile at me, and that will make me VERY happy." guess i got my wish. so funny how everything was different then and now. so funny how everything can change just like that. haha everything's funny. i'm so bored but i still have chem homework to complete. haha life sucks.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along
Cause you're my everything.

2007-07-01T14:55:00.000-07:00

my father said i was fat and i had chubby cheeks! i am so upset i'm going on a depressing diet i dont care! sigh goodbye food. pffffttttt DDDD:

2007-06-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

hello world, i am nadiah and i am very screwed. make that VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY screwed. i'm still in the holiday mood and i simply cant get myself to sit down and do my homework, even though i've got so much overdue homework still undone. ah shit this sucks. training's been sucky and frustrating, but oh wells. i'm anxiously waiting for a certain person to come online its driving me mad! haha well everything seems to be driving me up the wall lately. i miss the beach ): someone owes me a sentosa date!(:

these pics were taken some time ago but i really miss the beach. i miss tioman):

hahaha this pic abit anti-climax but i must show the world my short moment of being TALL! TALLER THAN LIY! i'm bigger than you liy!((:

Because you live,
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

2007-06-24T05:58:00.000-07:00

haha hello! i'm feeling happy today i've got no idea why! even though i was stuck at home the whole day today. and you'll never guess what i did the whole day today! me and my sister were really really bored so guess what we did! we started emailing each other even though we were sitting right beside each other. and we started camwhoring omg i swear its so hilarious. HAHA we were bored! cant blame us! oh no school's starting tmrw i am so dead! i didnt even do holiday homework! so much for a holiday eh, it hardly felt like one. haha nvm! there's a brighter side to going to school!:DDDDDDDDDDDDD haha okay i look stupid in the pictures so please dont laugh.

my sister's wearing hi-5 shirt!

i've got dimples! how cool is that! HAHA.

haha i think this pic is damn cool. haha my sister was supposed to be inside but apparently she's in the dark. haha.

2007-06-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

i hate reality, i hate civilisation, i hate the real world. i miss obs, i wanna go back to obs, where all you have to worry about is if you're able to accomplish the (really) tiring tasks given to you and if wild boars are gonna attack you(HAHA). you didn't have to worry about any other problems, you didn't have to cry every single night, you didn't have to be alone. i dont want to be here, i dont want to be drowned in my own pathetic sorrows, i wanna be happy. haha but oh wells, guess you cant really do anything abt it huh.

haha and guess what, im addicted to the umbrella song. even though i was really against it the first time i heard it. but its really very amusing! im so amused by it! you can stand under my umbrella, ella ella eh eh eh!

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down

2007-06-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

when people give you shit, it doesn't always mean they're doing something bad to you.
when people clear away the shit, it doesn't always mean that they're taking care of your welfare.
&when you're in deep shit, just keep your mouth shut.

haha hey i'm back. i had a really great time in obs, and i absolutely love my watch, magellan! and of course, THE LUM haha. its great to be back home and all, but i miss obs. sure, it was just a five day course, and it was gruelling and challenging, but the whole experience was all worthwhile and it taught me so many things. its not the end but the beginning of a new journey. i didn't want to come back, i didn't want to face the real world, i didn't want all the troubles coming back to me. obs was just an excuse to run away from everything. haha but i learnt to appreciate everything i had. and lum taught me so many things, by not teaching me anything at all HAHA. i'm too lazy to elaborate what we actually did during the course but everything sums up to the fact that i love obs&magellan&hansome!

hahaha but on the plus side, i get to shower in hot water and sleep on my comfy bed and civilisation! on the plus plus side, im back to my family(even though nobody really missed me. how sad) and WEIRDO(!!!!!!!!!!) ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((:

haha i better start doing my homeworks, they're completely left untouched. haha bye.

2007-06-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

my mummy's watching a scary movie and i'm too afraid to watch it. hey, i've got a weak heart, you cant blame me. today's a nice day at home with mummy and all the small kids haha. they're so cute! training and match was shit, and hey tomorrow's thursday! we've been having trainings every single day its starting to drain me out. i want/need to go obs shopping plus hockey shopping. how cool. haha i don't know what i'm talking about because im just blogging for the sake of blogging because im scared i dont wanna watch the scary movie. its scary! haha okay bye.

2007-05-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

If I could fly away
I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See now I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

when you wish for so many things in life, but you know they're never coming true. you feel all alone, because your heart refuses to open up. you try to tell yourself that everything is alright, but your heart refuses to listen.you pretend, with plastered smiles and fake laughs, because you refuse to show the world that you're broken. and thats why, you fall even harder than you expect yourself to. but hey, its alright. i'm fine(:

haha anyway! today was a good day! i guess. yeah. its the last day of school but it hardly feels like it. haha i'm getting really lazy to blog, but nvm. i've got pictures.

and this is what you get when a bunch of students are bored in class. i look screwed, so you better not laugh.

2007-05-21T23:23:00.000-07:00

haha today, went to school, got excused from school, headed to delta to watch juniors' 6-aside tournament, juniors did a great job, went to town and went home. alot of people said me and nat looked alike, some even said we looked like twins! and i beg to differ. i look nothing like nat! bus driver was being an arse, and yeah. sorry, i'm getting rather lazy to blog. SPA is tomorrow and i'm dreading it. i'll post up pics. though learning journey was quite some time ago, but nvm.

annoying!

haha me and su were very fascinated that the tank was actually a REAL ONE!

i'm taller than constance i'm taller than constance! HAHA.

ABPMBL!(:

i look kinda screwed in all of the pics so yeah. haha okay bye.

2007-05-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

When you're on a golden sea
You don't need no memory
Just a place to call your own
As we drift into the zone

On an island in the sun
We'll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can't control my brain

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

my brother's back yay! i can't believe the fact that i actually missed him and im glad that he's back. haha. and my mother's hilarious. she put on this facial mask and she looks so hilariously funny in it she can't even talk properly. my brother and i had a good time making fun of her, haha.

thank god for hockey, really(:

2007-05-14T06:13:00.001-07:00

haha hello! it's been awhile since i've blogged. haha i've been busy, yes. okay no it's just that i'm lazy. but i'm in a blogging mood so i shall blog. i slept at 3.30am last night because i couldn't sleep, and ended up disturbing someone's sleep to make me fall asleep. haha cool or what. and in the end, i overslept and didn't turn up for training even though i was excited in going for training. haha coool.

my lips are swollen i look like angelina jolie. even though i dont like angelina jolie. (and neither do i like brad pitt haha) i am depressed because i am fat and fugly. haha okay i think i should seriously stop that. i guess i should start appreciating for who i really am. as if i can, but i'll try.

today i went through someone's photo albums when she was young and made a shocking discovery that she was actually really really REALLY cute when she was a baby i think my heart would have melted if i saw a baby like her. haha. and none of her pictures actually showed her smiling, except for her photos when she was a baby. thank god she met me, eh? HAHA.

i shall post up pictures. i'm gonna be killed but nvm.

while waiting for the bus....

(my presence must be really boring for someone to be looking that bored. haha)

on the train....

haha from camera shy to smiling so widely. coolios haha.

i think this pic is cool

someone acting tall haha.

tskkk i look like an ahmah.

2007-05-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

use me as you will,
pull my strings just for a thrill.
& i know i'll be okay
though my skies are turning grey

hahaha hurts, but hahaha its okay. i'm fine.
when insecurites fills your heart.

suddenly, everything i valued the most seems like nothing to me. everything i cared about just dont seem important anymore. not even hockey, not even doing well for mid years. i just want my family. i want my family. because i know, everything else comes and go, but family stays with you till forever. everything changes, but nothing changes the love you share with your family. i want holidays back where we were all happy and all problems were forgotten. i love my mummy. i love my family. i guess i mean nothing to anyone. i just want my family.

haha its okay. SMILE!((((((:
life's not worth frowning for.

2007-04-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

i am so frigging screwed for mid years im going to die. im frigging screwed, im frigging screwed. i wish i was a better liar. i wish i wouldn't cause hurt to people every single time. i wish i didn't have to make people angry towards me everytime. because everything i say or do is wrong.

i hate you bustard, for even appearing into my life, because what you said were full of shits and i wouldn't even know what to do when i see you face to face. i don't trust you anymore, i swear.

i can't listen to rascall flatt's songs, it gets me crying. it brings a whole lot of memories i dont even wish to think about. its okay, memories are good. you're still one person i keep close to my heart.

no one cares anymore. of course, i'm not worthy of being cared for.

i swear, its my fever causing me to be like this. just at the right time, wow.
my eye is frigging swollen i don't wish to show myself in public in this state.
and i'm fat. i've got chubby cheeks!

please excuse this post, i'm just not myself.

&i'm torn between this life i lead and where i stand.

2007-04-20T09:33:00.001-07:00

i wish you were a stranger i could disengage.

i really do.

haha but anyway! ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE! today was (((((((((: well after school anyway. but yesterday was ))))))): and i am super embarrassed ): plus yesterday was such an unlucky day i got black paint on my knee so embarrassing! haha its okay!SMILE SMILE SMILE!(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((: and i think im so screwed for mid years im nowhere even near prepared oh shit arse. & i think secret admirer's getting really really like REALLY irritating and i hope secret admirer will stop tagging. i wanna get hyper! i wanna be high like GIRLFRIEND! she's been so high these days i wanna be high like her! hahahahahha oh wells.

i've got a confession to make.

I LOVE WEIRDO!

2007-04-18T08:00:00.001-07:00

hahaha hey today's 18 april! today's a lovely lovely lovely day yo! i got a frigging ipod omg i got a frigging ipod whooo and its green omg so prettayyyyyyyyyyeeeee! hahahaha and guess what my best present was! witi! from abpmbl! without bala of course duh. hahaha omg super coolios! hahaha yay yay yayyyyy i love everybody thank you hahaha! i'm a happy kid i'm a happy kid!

2007-04-16T07:45:00.001-07:00

dear friend,
i know, that i may not be the best person to turn to when you're down. i know, that i'm not the best person to console you or give you good advices. and i'm sorry, that i didnt really make you feel any better but maybe worse today. i'm sorry, that i was moody towards you. but well, i was pissed at you for the decision you made and the way you're hurting -. but well, mostly disappointed. i know, i dont really tell you anything but its me. i keep things from everyone. but dude, i still love you alright. duh, you're my soulmate. how could i not love you? HAHA.

well, today was a horrible day and i kinda broke down a lot. i guess i just couldn't take the pressure that was on me. ah wells screwed. but my mother was really nice, kinda cheered me up. surprising that my own mother can cheer me up when she can drive me up the wall sometimes haha.

2007-04-14T05:48:00.001-07:00

what goes around comes back around.
i guess its called karma.
and i guess, i deserve every single thing that's being thrown at me.
and i no longer like being depressed because it brings my mood down and i tend to eat more. so i'm frigging fat now omg.

hahaha its okay, SMILE SMILE SMILE!(:

on a much lighter note,
i got to talk to somebody for the whole of today(:

yesterday was friday the 13th, an unlucky day alright.
but its okay! it was a good day! i guess.
crezawards was hmmmmmmmm.
second half of it was much much MUCH better.
we got really really high and did stupid things.
we camwhored alot.
it was okay.
but somehow, crezawards always manages to turn out screwed at the end.
maybe i shan't go crezawards anymore since it always turns out screwed.

2007-04-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

hahaha so, i revived my blog again because someone requested i opened it up again so yeah. but i'd bet lesser people would come visit it which is good by the way. i wouldn't want everyone to read about my boring life and my angsty plus emotional rantings. being emo is not good at all. when all else fails, SMILE!(: i wanna be high again like i used to, i wanna be SKY HIGH! i should learn to start appreciating. yes, APPRECIATE nadiah. A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-E! i'm so screwed mid years are just around the corner and i'm nowhere even near prepared. haha screwed screwed. i miss hockey, i really want trngs so badly. they're the best place to forget about anything and everything when you're being emo and all. and plus, im getting really fat now! i am starting to get really annoyed with this person who tags as secret admirer and tags about really stupid things. seems like he/she doesn't have a life of his/her own. anddd i am honoured and touched by the fact that someone just waited in line for 2hrs 30 mins just for me. i'm gonna get fat real soon from the amount of junk food i've been eating.

i wish i was a better person. nvm i'll change! i spent the whole day today reading past conservations and it was like watching a drama scene, seriously! and the past started coming back to me all at once. i realised i kinda changed too. i didnt really do much productive things today i am so screwed.

i'm blogging about really random things but thats because i dont have anything to blog about. i'm spending my tenth watching a rugby match how cool is that! haha okay i shall go off as i patiently wait for 12 midnight to come.

ps: I LOVE WEIRDO! ALOT ALOT ALOT!

2007-04-03T07:12:00.001-07:00

today i moodswinged a hell lot and i'm really really sorry to those who became the victim of my moodswings. especially nat, i'm really sorry. but you know i still love you! and of course, you. aaahhh i hate pms shit loads, i wish i didn't have pms. i wish i was able to hide my pms, so people around me wont suffer from my pms. oh noooooooooooo hate pms hate pms hate pms. and i'm growing so fatttt alr i need to on a diet! and i need to start mugging mid years are coming i need to do well or no more hockey! dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

and i hate april's fool, because SOMEBODY just had to do a stupid prank on me hmphhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ):

2007-04-01T07:17:00.001-07:00

&she said, this doesn't hurt.

2007-03-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

today's a fucking screwed up day.
end.

i'm thinking of deleting this blog because i dont see any point anymore in keeping a blog where you tell the whole world of your emotions and your day(?) and, futhermore, i'm trying to prevent myself from shooting out any vulgarities i can think of in this blog because i'm frigging pissed and well, sad, i can just scream. but then again, that wouldn't be such a great idea because i'll just be pointlessly ranting and ranting and being all vulgar, when actually, i'm not that vulgar. but whatever, i'm really sick and tired, i really need to scream.
bang, bang, shoot me down.

screw the whole fucking world.

2007-03-27T06:45:00.000-07:00

today's a fucked up day.

2007-03-27T05:10:00.000-07:00

i'm damnit pissed so don't talk to me or i'll frigging scream at you.

life's a bitch,
and so are you.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2007-03-20T06:05:00.001-07:00

i've realised, that looks doesn't even matter. because in the end, it all boils down to your character. and i, for one, has a stinky and lousy character.

during council investiture today, ryhan brought up the topic of farewell ceromony and it made me realise, how soon you're gonna leave. i wouldn't know how to face that day. i don't want you to leave. i'm gonna miss you, really.

2007-03-19T07:07:00.001-07:00

GO CRESCENT HOCKEYYYYY! CRESCENT HOCKEY NUMBER ONEEEEE! (((((:

when reality hits you hard in the head, and make you realise, that they're all lies. but i'll continue dreaming, it's never wrong to dream.

2007-03-17T23:24:00.000-07:00

haha i think i'm gonna die soon if weirdo doesn't come online soon. hurry weirdo come online i miss you like crazy!

anyway, i'm so screwed. i hardly did any homework and now i'm too lazy to do any. so much for studying during the holidays. tskkkk. oh i'm so sunburnt alreadyyy i've become chaotah! now my face is chaotah, like the time when i came back from tioman. except this time, i didn't spend five hours playing under the beach or diving. but instead, i spent two hours of hockey everday on the pitch under the scorching sun. depressing. haha i miss tioman, i want to go there like soon soon soon! we were supposed to go on good friday but oh wellssss.

i loveeee this march holiday. alot alot alot! kinda weird cause i never like holidays, really. but hockey everyday kinda wears you out a little. but its okay! ooooohhh and crescent hockey's in semis whooooo! one goal in 18 minutes, amazing. hahahaha we love maltesers, don't we? semis on monday against bedok town, all the best!

and omggg the kite runner's a really really really extremely nice book! for you, a thousand times over. so touching.

i've realised, i'm lousy at everything huh. lousy lousy lousy lousy lousy. haha oh wells. i take everything for granted, and only when everything starts falling apart, then i'd start appreciating. hahaha lousy lousy lousy.

right, i'm done blogging, but weirdo still isn't onlineeeeeeee! look at how long a post i manage to write. and weirdo still isn't online i'm gonna die. )): hahaha.

2007-03-10T07:04:00.000-08:00

hockey really does make me happy.
thank god for hockey. i love hockey.
as well as AliBabaPapaMamaBalaLabaExclamationmark! DA BOMB MANN!

hahahaha i'm hurt, i really am. but ohwells. not as if anyone cares anyway.

anywayyyy, today was alright. trng was nice, but i was late. again. after that headed to town for flag day, it was kinda alright. considering the fact that someone was supposed to do flag day with me but pangseh-ed me in the end. but oh wellssssss. oh mannn small boys and girls are soooo cute when they're donating awww melts my heart. we actually did flag day for 2 hours straight(i think) and haha i finished earlier than nat! plus my tin was heavier hahaha! and there was this weird woman who insisted on taking a picture of me, god i was so embarrassed!

we were so tired and thirsty after that, imagine standing there for two hours straight asking people to donate, and furthermore under the sun. i wanted to dieeee. straight after that we cabbed to ccab for sa match. the sun was being a bitch mannn seriously. i was so tired, i swear. well everyone was. imagine not eating for the whole day but having so many things one by one. i felt so dehydrated. sa match was okay, i guess. considering the fact that there were only 13 people playing and we were all so tired.

after that, went to town. it took hours for us to get a cab. accompanied nat to Zara, ate dinner, went home. and omgggg i am so tired i'm gonna die. good day, i guess.

hahahaha whatever, i want to die. thousands of things to say, nothing ever comes out. haha aiya whatever, im going to sleep. get over it stupid nadiah.

will someone please tell me okay.

2007-03-09T06:20:00.000-08:00

i feel, like running away, to somewhere far far far away. i want to get away, from everybody and everything, i just want to be by myself. i'll be a pathetic loner, i dont care. i just want to be my myself, where no one can see me. i'm sick of everything that falls apart one by one. i thought i was strong, but who was i trying to fool huh.

today, was the first time in my entire life, i felt the temptation to cut myself, when once upon a time, i thought cutting was a foolish and rediculous act. come on damnit, get yourself together. i was stronger than this, much much stronger. maybe being happy isnt such a good thing anymore. nadiah, you suck damnit.

2007-03-08T04:07:00.000-08:00

I wish I could Bubble Wrap my heart,
In case I fall and break apart

hahaha yesterday was stupid plus fringe day! we spent the whole day in school camwhoring and taking stupid pictures of different styles of fringes. i know i look stupid in practically all of the pictures so you better not laugh ah! if not i smack your ass.

see i look exactly like paul twohill dont you think its cool? HAHA i was looking up. and i see ryhan looking up too! looking at who ah ryhan!

hahaha asilah!

haha fringe in the middle. and look at the extra heads popping out hahahaha.

haha i was braiding my fringe.

braided fringe!

tied up fringe!

emo!

haha fringe center parting. nerdyyyyy.

fringe pinned to the side!

pinned up fringe!

normal fringe!

HAHAHA cool or what!

2007-03-06T04:54:00.001-08:00

i thank God for the marks he gave me but i pray that God will give me the strength to go through everyday and to overcome this, because right now, i'm not fine. everything feels so wrong, it isn't right anymore. i'm sick and tired. i'm just sick and tired. looking at people who doesn't appreciate just makes me sick. my life isn't all that great too you idiot. but hey, i'm strong. i can do this. i'll be more appreciative. because my daddy taught me to look at the people that are worse off than me and appreciate rather than looking at people that are better off than me and start complaining. so yes, i'll be more appreciative. at least i got to make my mummy and daddy proud because of my results, so screw the rest of the world. i'm happy enough. hahaha haiiiii. SMILEEEEE!(((:

and hey bdiv! come on come on i know that you guys can do it! go go bdiv! hey hey, crescent hockey's on it's way now!

2007-03-04T07:47:00.001-08:00

life sucks, i see no purpose in living in this world, life is meaningless.
where's my penknife? i'm going to cut my wrist now.

hahahahahaha i'm kidding.

2007-03-03T00:22:00.001-08:00

my daddy is very strong,
and i admire him very much for that.
i love my daddy very very much.

it's breaking my heart,
but i know, that i'm strong, and i can do this.
because we know, that we're there for each other,
through thick and thin,
we can do this.

i can conclude, that being sad is good,
because it makes you stronger,
and it makes you lose your appetite,
which means losing weight! hahaha.

&i love hockey(:
i love crescent hockey(:

you make me smile even when my world comes falling down,
so thank you(:

2007-03-01T00:20:00.000-08:00

2007-03-01T00:15:00.000-08:00

2007-03-01T00:11:00.000-08:00

today's a fucking screwed up day.
end.

i'm thinking of deleting this blog because i dont see any point anymore in keeping a blog where you tell the whole world of your emotions and your day(?) and, futhermore, i'm trying to prevent myself from shooting out any vulgarities i can think of in this blog because i'm frigging pissed and well, sad, i can just scream. but then again, that wouldn't be such a great idea because i'll just be pointlessly ranting and ranting and being all vulgar, when actually, i'm not that vulgar. but whatever, i really need to scream.

screw the whole fucking world.

2007-02-26T03:48:00.001-08:00

ALI BABA PAPA BALA LABA EXCLAMATIONMARK! HAHAHAHA(:

i feel so tired now, i have no idea why. but, i must persevere and studystudystudy! maths my new love! sorry you're replaced hahahahaha. today was kinda weird. amaths ct was blah. after that we had a lot of time to ourselves before our bio test since the core geog students were taking their exams. and, instead of studying bio, we decided to get together and talk about something more interesting! hahahaha we are open-minded people! hahahaha funnayyyyeeee. after bio, cabbed to ntu for trng, ate and studied at the canteen before trng, it started raining really heavily and trng was cancelled. smart ahhh. so we kinda slacked there. okay correction, i slacked there while everyone else were studying and cracking up their brains. i even fell asleep cause i was so tired. even everyone else said i looked really tired and they said i had huge eyebags! oh nooo! thennnn the rain stopped, and we just knocked around. anddd i don't see any point in blogging about all of this, but i'm bored and i'm too lazy to study but i can't afford to fail my ct (even though i know i'm screwed for all of them) but its okay.

and i'm depressed now cause i miss weirdo but i bet weirdo doesn't miss me. i'm depressedddddd. my heart is breakingggggg! )))))): hahahahaha.

2007-02-22T20:53:00.000-08:00

i love 3S3 because they make me go happy and high(:

hahaha its okay, i love you too<3

okay time to go studyyyy!

2007-02-20T16:53:00.000-08:00

hahahaha hello!

so, my mummy and daddy woke me up so early in the morning, ruining my beauty sleep, just to make me run with them. since they wouldn't leave me alone and i was feeling fat anyway, i agreed. and then they dragged me all the way to east coast park just to run. do you have any idea how far east coast is from woodlands? hahaha but anyway, it was fun. next time i should really make myself angry so i can run faster. and omggg i swear i'm gonna save up to get an ipod or at least an mp3. it feels so nice to listen to an mp3 while you're running. it makes you go so much faster! cause there's the beat and everything. but then again, haiyahhhhhh nevermindddd forget it. i swear the world sucks when you're broke. and my mummy refuses to increase my allowance ):

anywayyyy, we ran and we ran and i have no idea how far i ran but i think it was rather far. i think i ran about 8km? haha i was on a roll! and i kinda ditched my parents heh. my father only ran 5km cheaterrr. but after the run i seriously felt like vomiting and i sat at the side of the path.

then then thennnn, we went to eat at Macs. we all insisted on eating at bk but my father refused so Macs it was. my mother and i shared hotcakes because she claimed that it has the lowest fats. hahahaha. and omgggg i swear my parents are like one weird plus vain plus weird couples! they can even discuss about - in front of their children omggg!

after that we went to velocity and it was so boring because almost all of the shops were closed. and my mother was being so mean she wouldn't buy for me this gray and lime green shorts. but few mins later i decided that it wasn't nice so its okay! and there's this pink bra thats soo nice but they wouldn't buy it for me! see how much it sucks when you're broke!

andd i got super irritated by my brother the entire time. sometimes i wonder if he really is my brother. i've got this super weird plus irritating plus just weird guy as my brother?!?! haha and i was being mean by saying how when he grows up my parents will tell him that he's adopted, like those typical shows hahahahahaha.

hahahaha okay byeeeeeee.

2007-02-17T08:46:00.001-08:00

hahahaha hello! i was supposed to post up retarded pictures of some weirdo but i decided to be nice and save her the embarrassment. (also because i'm too lazy to do so but nvm)

anywayyy, friday was lovessssssssssssssssssss((((((: i love love love friday many many many many! somebody was being a weirdo being highly amused at almost everything, especially when decorating the neoprints because she just started laughing at herself. weird or what! HAHAHAHA. and weirdo was super hopeless because she couldn't pronounce HASHbrown and FUN properly. we ate at bk first and we were being retarded by attempting to play checkers with hashbrown. HAHAHA. then weirdo went to cut hair and i kept on laughing at her because she looked so hilarious.

thennnn we went to take neoprints, and then after played at the arcade. poor peichun. HAHA then we watched epic movie and it was a stupid movie. after that we walked around and weirdo was so sweet she gave me a surprise((((: we went home after that and it started raining so heavily i got really drenched on my way home. thank god there was this really nice aunty who shared with me her umbrella. so overall it was a really really really good day((:

and today i just spent the whole day rotting at home. i embarrassed myself by going to class today since my dad insisted that there were classes but there wasn't any. and i don't know why, but the word endoplasmic reticulum is stuck in my head. haha bio! so weird. HAHAHAHA ryhan the rectum! and my mother's been moodswinging i have no idea why.

but anyway, i'm still happy! cause i'm just a teenage dirt bag, baby!:DDDD

2007-02-14T04:44:00.001-08:00

HEY HEY HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY PEOPLE! spread the love, cause love is in the air!
everybody's sooo sweet my heart is melting! thank you thank you! thanks for making my valentine's a special one, especially you(: teeheehee i'm a happy kiddo i'm a happy kiddo! haha sorry i think chocolates make me go highhhhh!

ANDDDDDD, great great great job bdiv! 1-0 against teck whye! ((((: i saw you guys playing really really hard fighting and fighting for every ball and omg i'm reallyyyyyyy proud of each and everyone of you! especially juanita omg nice goal hahahaha! great game great game! well doneeeeee omg i'm so happy for you guys! best of luck for your upcoming matches and semis!((((: CRESCENT HOCKEY NUMBER ONE!(((:

oh nooooo i've got so much candies to eat i'm gonna grow fattttt! but its okay! its not everyday i get candies right! teehee hahahaha okay oh mannnn gotta start doing my work now butttt i'm going to get an anonymous call soon HAHAHAHA coooool!

2007-02-11T21:15:00.000-08:00

what the bloody hell is wrong with me?!
i miss my stick, i do i do i do. why was i so careless as to lose my stick?!

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry. stupid nadiah stupid nadiah stupid nadiah. screw nadiah screw nadiah screw nadiah.

you know what, i'm strong, i can do this. because i know, when you reach out for the sky and believe, i can do anything, anything. i'll try my best, i promise.

2007-02-03T22:39:00.000-08:00

hey hey!

i haven't been blogging for some time, haha i'm too lazy. i'm still lazy to blog but whatever. im thinking of deleting this blog cause i dont see any point in keeping it. but in the mean time, i shall blog! trng today was okay. i got hit in the leg and the stomach by the ball and it felt damnnn niceeee! hahahha tskkkkk. yaddayadda, i dont wish to talk abt anything else. i shall just put pictures! haha oh man you're so gonna kill me but oh wells!

me and ZOEY LEE!

HAHA asilah looks so cute.

tskk i was doing sth stupid.

omg its so cute you better say its cute!

haha look at my hair! i'm an emo dude!

i saved the best for last! HAHAHA.

peekaboo!

someone's being emo!

(:

2007-01-29T01:07:00.000-08:00

tskkkk i'm pissed i'm pissed i'm pissed but OH WELLS! today's match was great great great great! i think it's by far the best match we've played so well. whoohooo i love crescent hockey yo! and its amazing i could still play when i spent the whole night on the phone THANKS TO SOMEBODY and i only slept for like half an hour HAHAHAHA yay yay yayyyy i love today's match! after that went to buy stick with sya jane juanita and i came home just to get my mood ruined. great, just great. a great day ruined just like that. BUT OH WELLS! WHATEVER! i still love today's match! oh mannnn i've been falling asleep so frequently these days. it's as if i could just fall asleep like anywhere. i even fell asleep when di's family came over omg embarrassing or what! and i fell asleep too at di's house when we were watching the soccer match on tv. godddd embarrasssingggggg i'm such a pigggg! and and and i have no idea why but i've been eating so much these days! my appetite just got bigger and bigger dudeeee! i think jane passed it on to me. and i think my stamina just dropped to zero so shit please! hahahaha sorry i shall stop ranting now. it's so late now and i've still got so many things to do i don't know what the hell i'm doing blogging. i might as well not sleep right since there's so many things undone i wanna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i wanna die i wanna die i wanna dieeee pfffffffffftttttttttssssssssssssss.

i'm tired, you know. i'm so so sick and tired. i'm sick and tired of listening to your endless screamings because you know, i tried my best. i tried as best i could. but too bad all my effort just isn't appreciated huh. can't you see that i'm trying? i'm not wonder woman for god's sake. it's not as easy as you think when you have so much expectations of me. if you're still not happy then do the damnit thing yourself instead of screaming into my ears because i can assure you, my ear's are gonna get deaf soon. i'm too tired to actually listen to what you're screaming. aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh weekends sucks man i swear.

damnit nadiah what the hell is wrong with you?!

2007-01-15T20:26:00.000-08:00

edit/

HEY HEY HEY HELLO WORLDDDDDD!(((:

i just feel the sudden temptation to blog, and thats rather unusual because i rarely blog. anywayyyy, I PONNED CLASS TODAY AHAHAHAHA! because of nat okayyyy! she's got a swollen thumb and she told the whole world abt it, including the teachers. finding an excuse to not do homework ahh what is thissss! but mr tan's reaction was the coolest. HAHAHA ryhan keeps calling me cheeky, its not true okayy! and my leg now has a scratch and its swollen THANKS TO A CERTAIN SOMEONE! but i think its damnnnn cool. my mummy didn't make lasagna today, i feel so sad ): but she's making it tmrw! yayyyyy! i just went down to play hockey and i came back and i went woahhhh because the house was in a mess and there's so many things to do. oh no i'm getting fat it's time to lose weightttt! okay time to go! i need to buy groceries okay byeeeee! i sound like a small kid mannnn.

eh yuki you know what, i miss you and your fruit bars. and your other food you used to bring to school hahaha(((:

ps: someone still owes me a seductive talk whoooo HAHAHA!(((((:

2007-01-14T22:39:00.000-08:00

because, i can't take any of this anymore. i'm just barely hanging on, just barely. someone please kill me. shoot me in the head like now now now!

hmm you know what, i can do this. it's what life's about eh? i wouldn't want to die now, i still want to live and taste what this beautiful life has to offer.

i'm just sick of all of this. but i know i can do this, and i've got myself to prove.

anyway, u18 match was great and we won 3-0 and our short corners were awesomeeeeeee but i'm too tired to elaborate i'm going to sleep. and im making sure i wont oversleep hahaha goodnight.

2007-01-13T13:31:00.000-08:00

hey hey the weekend's here! thank god for that. it's been a hectic week. i'm pissed and angry and i'm both emotionally and physically tired, i swear. my moodswing's been terrible this week, i'm so sorry to you. but hey hey, i can do this! right right? right! totallyyyy! life's a bitch sometimes. no no change that. life's a pleasant journey! eh girlfriend? ((((: anywayyyyy! 3s3's been great, but i can't help missing everyone else though. i miss SARAHHHH ADEEEE STEPHHHH GAYLEEEE PUTREEE JOANNNN AND EVERYBODY ELSE! the week's been flooding with homework and house chores, it feels so nice to actually relax and spend the time with family. HAHAHA and god knows how many times i woke up late this week. whooooopsss. my father's a loser, he's been trying to read my prettyyyyyyyy notebook. HAHAHA ASS!

anywayyyy, went to school with some lame person (who apparently cant walk HAHAHA) yesterday. and omg we were so high we kept on laughing and laughing till i went out of breath. cool eh! and and lame person looked funny carrying a blue umbrella whooooo HAHAHHA! everybody's so mean always making fun of me HAHA! then after school went to marcheee! then we walked arnd. hahaha i was pretty much high the whole day even though i was tired, ooohhh im gonna have abs soon! HAHAHA! oooohhh and at night, hahaha the whole family played twister together omg it was frigging hilarious HAHAHAHA!

hahaha i think i'm high now, i have no idea why. LETS BE EMO HAHAHAHA! okay come to think of it, i dont like weekends anymore. because i can't see you i miss you alr monday monday hurry comeeeee!

HAHAHA okay i need to do other things now haiyahhhhhh byeeeeeeee!

2007-01-02T22:43:00.000-08:00

hahaha hello! oh man i'm so totally beat. hahaha school starts tomorrow! school school here i come!

anyway, we went to east coast with di's and mel's family to rollerblade. me and di bladed all the way to Ford Road from the chalet, and we just lay down on the road towards the big green gate, while waiting for mel. hahaha cool eh. then we bladed back to the chalet, went to Macs, raced with everyone to Macs, AND GUESS WHO WON HAHAHAHA! i tell you, i was going so fast i could have crashed with so many people and fell down like so many times. but thank god i didn't. HAHAHA SOMEONE ELSE DID THOUGH. then we headed back, realised di's shoe was missing, went to east point for dinner, HAHAHAHA we played this funny funny game it was hilarious hahahaha! and i have no idea why but i've been having this craving for new zealands naturals ice cream for god knows when. hahaha. and then we went back home. and i'm so dead tired now i'm going to sleep. i have to wake up at 5 in morning omg someone please kill me. and if i don't wake up, i'll kill myself. hahaha. and now i'm depressed because girlfriend and i aren't going to be neighbours. ))))))):

i miss my mother terribly, and i kinda miss her naggings. weird huh. may god bless my uncle and his family and everybody else.

2007-01-02T03:21:00.000-08:00

hey hey hey. its 3am now and i am blogging. i don't know, i can't seem to sleep. even though i was so tired a few hours ago. ugh, this is crazy! what a way to start the year huh. what a way. i'm sorry. last night was rather, weird. and supper a few hours ago was just so depressing we're all so shocked by the news ahhhhh. but my dad sure can lighten up the mood. hmmm, i'll try my best, i promise i will.

anywayyyy, 2006 was great. so many memories, some i'll never forget, some i don't even wish to remember. bitter, sweet, tears, laughters, joy, i love 2006. people that walked in and out of my life, i'm glad to have even known them. 2006 was a roller coaster, really. but i learnt so so much and i did become stronger in a way. so goodbye 2006, and say hello to a brand new year. funny huh how fast time flies by, and its already the end of the year. funny how things can change so much in just a year. funny how far we've come, how much we've gone through. hello 2007.

right, i'm off.

2006-12-27T14:27:00.000-08:00

it's 2.30pm now. you know what i'll be doing at this time? i'll be running my ass off on the pitch at delta. oh and look what i'm doing now. i'm at home blogging and doing stupid chores. ugh stupid stupid stupid. oh mr rain, i hate you so so so much. the stupid sun just had to shine like now now now. ugh stupid stupid stupid. i wanna go trng i wanna go trng i wanna go trnggggggggg ughhhhhh. i'm so sorry, i feel so angsty and frustrated now. aaahhh pmsing sucks to the core. stupid rain stupid chores stupid brother stupid msn stupid pms stupid stupid stupid. i lead such a dull life huh. and who knows when's the next time i can ever go for trng. ughhh screw it. please don't talk to me or ask me anything or i swear i'll scream. ughhhhhhhh screw it screw it srew it. i'm so sorry for such an angsty post. fine, i'm off to the clean the damnit house now. or not. pffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttssssssssssssssss.

2006-12-26T23:52:00.000-08:00

pass the sault yo!

they're my parents and i love them.

the three idiots.

sunway!

Tomahawk!

viking!

my sister walking the runway HAHAHA.

ice hockey! they were fighting.

okay fine, so in the end, the blue won. hmphhhh.

my number twooooooooo! unfortunately you can't really see his face properly.

HAHAHA di's number twelve.

credits to Di for well almost all of the pics. haha thanks!

i hate frigging mats, i swear i do.

ps, i miss you. 4 more dayssssss ))):

2006-12-24T05:00:00.000-08:00

HAHAHA HELLO WORLDDDDDD! ((((((((((:

god look at the time now. i'm waiting for that dumb thing to finish downloading. haha but meanwhile, i shall blog! right, so KL trip was niceeeeeeeeee with great great company! nice nice nice. i'll upload pictures some other time when Di sends me the pics. sunway was way awesomeeeeeee. omg i love love love love bodyboarding! frigging awesome i tell you! especially when you manage to catch the wave and you feel yourself on top of the wave. but the disappointment when you miss the wave, disheartening. hahaha i thought the viking was rather hilarious. we all thought the viking was just a normal ride so we were like 'aiyaaaa not so scary la, not 360 degrees also' and the uncle there shocked us with the news that it was. we thought he was just playing with us! haha then we saw it went one whole round and we went omgggggggg haahhaha. and for all the rides i took, i went 'omg i'm gonna die i'm gonna diee hahahahaha'. and the rest of the trip was shopping shopping. oohh and gym every night! coooooooool. oooohhh ooooohh! we watched an ice hockey game in the pyramid shopping mall and it was wayyy cooool! me and Di were shouting and screaming throughout the whole game hahaha hilarious. we took a pic with Di's number 12 but i didn't get to take one with my number 2. sad sad case. haha.

haha last night we went home at 5am to send my aunt off. one thing, never ever EVER go out with Di so late in the morning when she's tired, she becomes insane i swear! like some retard high on ecstacy, talking rubbish and laughing endlessly. crazy woman hahaha.

haha i ran 11.3km with my dad just now and i think we're insane. and i still wasn't tired crazy or crazy!

haha i'm in the christmas mood now, i have no idea why. anyway, i'm getting a phone call on christmas! yay yay yayyyyyyy! i miss you hurry come backkkkkkkkkk!

i'm talking rubbish now don't mind me. i'm just highhhhhh!

and, my mother is the most amazing person and i love her to bits.

i've learned to appreciate my family and love them for who they are, despite our disputes and differences, because they, love me and accept me for the person i am. in life, friends are temporary, but family is forever. they stick by you through thick and thin, and i'm thankful to have them as my family. i love my family.((((:

school is going to start soon soon soon omg i'm gonna dieeeeeeeeeeee. and i haven't even started on my homework oh how screwed!

HAAHAHAHA OKAY BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

2006-12-13T15:16:00.000-08:00

edit/
hey hey hey i'm back i'm backkkkkkkkkkkkk! indonesia trip was frigging awesomeeeeeeeeee! well, it was a whole week without parents and we stayed at my aunt's place. omg they've got such a rich lifestyle! they've got a nanny, a maid, a houseboy, two cars, a driver and a frigging big house which is daaaaaaamnn nice. but their dogs are super irritating though. they've got three big dogs who kept on barking and coming at me each time i'm outside. and the people there are so much friendlier. we had to endure one whole week of the indonesia language. and their accent is so fast i go like 'huh?' each time they speak. and you know how horrendous my malay is. so when we reached singapore, it felt kinda weird where everyone speaks english. haha!

i did things i've never done before, and i think it was great great great. ESPECIALLY the hash omg i love the hash. we got to run in the rain, we slipped and fell thousands of times on the mud, we had to go through kampungs and plantations and hills, we had to cross rivers on tiny planks countless of times and our clothes and shoes were so muddy and yucky after that. but it was damn fun! we went to taman safari, went to visit our uncle and cousins whom we haven't saw for four years so it was really great to see them. we played tennis, squash, swam, played at this indoor playground even though we're so old alr. but i must say, the slides are super fun! and yaddayadda.

so a few days later, i'm leaving for KL. and i'm going with di and everyone else omg i'm excited! yayyyyyy! i haven't even touched my homework yet though i am so dead someone kill me.

hahaha my sister and brother! well the orangutan had the same name as my brother. cool eh!

heh we were competing who could swing the highest.

cute eh! it looks just like you! HAHAHA i'm kidding

HAHAHA look at the baby's eyes!

indoor playground!

mini golf! max was crying at that time

HAHAHA cute or what!

the bar was rather empty at that time

oh they're pure lovesssssssssssssss

2006-11-28T02:31:00.000-08:00

i'm bloggingggggggggggg! haha fineeeee i know i'm supposed to be sleeping right now but i really can't sleep! even though i'm so so tired now. i'm sorryyyyyyyy. haha oh man you're so gonna kill me. but i've been so so busy lately i hardly had the time to do anything. I CAN'T EVEN READ MY BOOK IN PEACE WHAT IS THISSSSSSSSSSS.

ANYWAYYYY, I SWEAR I'M NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER GOING ANYWHERE ALONE EVER EVER EVERRRRRRRRR OMGGGGGGGG SO SICKENINGGGGGGGG I'M SO ANNOYEDDDDD WHAT THE FRIGGING HELL UGHHHH. BETTER NOT COME NEAR ME AH I ASK MY BODYGUARD COME BOX YOU THEN YOU KNOW(even though my bodyguard very small but nvm, HAHAHAHA I'M KIDDING!)

omggggggggggggg so annoyinggggggggg. okay okay nevermindddddddddddd. hahaha anyway! yesterday was lovessssssss. okay considering today's alr wednesday, monday was real nice. hahaha had trng in the morning, coach left halfway, played against MI guys, omg they're freaking fast. i got hit by the ball and i had to go to musical evening with ugly dots on my face! thank god there wasn't any bruise or anything or i would've killed myself. haha okay i'm exaggerating. haha now i know how it feels like getting hit in the face by the ball during a game. cooooooooooool. and i'm so black now omg. okay stop complaining!

thennnnnnn, musical evening! it was the first time in my whole entire life(okay not really) that i ever wore a dress. HAHA yes sya, stop making fun of me! haha embarrassing much. but everyone else looked real nice. and my heels were killing me. i thought musical evening was pretty cool. even though uh hahahahahaha. then yaddayadda. haha i love the night scenery at esplanade! prettyyyyyyyyyy.

oh mannn i really have to start on my homework. pffffffffffffftttttttsssssssss. i think being a mother is the most hardest job you can find, ever. its so tiring. and plus, you're not being paid for it! and sometimes their kindness aren't appreciated neither are they repaid back. i'm never being a mother. haha fine i say this now, i'll change my mind later on.

okay i'm going to sleep already, goodnight.

2006-11-26T00:40:00.000-08:00

haha i've been out practically the whole day and i've been really really busy i haven't had the time to do anything else. homework's undone, my storybooks are untouched, i'm really really tired i feel like my feet's gonna break anytime. this is soo hard but hey, we can do this. yesterday was ermmmmmm, i hate it when people leave out of our lives. oh wellllllllsssss.

to the friend that was always there for me to withstand all my nonsense and nuisance, be it when i'm angry or depressed, or when i'm shouting at you. to the friend that was always there to listen whenever i had any problems, to wipe away my tears, i'll miss you terribly, and those lovely nights where we would talk away till the wee hours of the morning just talking and talking about our problems or merely gossiping, heh heh. goodbye.

i think the airport's an extremely nice place to observe people.

today was hmmmmmmm. just horrible and humiliating and embarrassing and sickening and stupid and just plain horrible. but i guess besides that, everything else was fine. nice day spent with family, haha funny funny. but i'm really tired now. i bet the whole family had a great time making fun of me, hmphhhhhhh.

oooohh my aunt from indonesia is coming over to singapore tomorrow. hahaha i'm excitedddd! oh that means i wont be able to sleep on my nice nice bed and use my nice nice room. hahaha oh wellssss.

okay i'm going to sleep now i can't open my eyes any longer.

okay i cant open my eyes any longer, i'm going to sleep.

2006-11-24T03:15:00.000-08:00

haha look at the time now and i can't even sleep. and i was supposed to be sleeping about like 4 hours ago? heh, sorry. hahaha i'm so sick and tired of everything's that's going around me, but hey, i've got hockey and you to cheer me up! anywayy, training today was lovesssssss((: hahaha yeah i realised that i always say trainings are nice. haha you can't blame me! i love hockey okayyyyy!(((: hahaha i'm scared. i'm scared. i'm gonna be a major disappointment. i'm gonna let everyone down. i'm just so sick and tired and i miss everyone so so so muchhhh. hahaha i miss 2C1 and i miss all the sec 2 hockey players and i miss you. hahaha i wish i was smarter. anywayyy, training today was nice. and funny. and omg yj is disgusting. she can burp her abcs like omg super hilarious. haha my sister and farrah got along well and she taught my sister the crescent cheer and she was cheering super loudly during the game i could hear it so clearly even though i was so far away. and after trng, my parents decided to drop by and give me a surprise. hahaha my father's a losahhh. so the whole family ate lunch together and omg i'm eating so much now i'm so fattt now i'm gonna go on a diet! oh shit i can't cause i've already promised i'll eat. hahaha shat. heh heh i love my family((:

i went to the library, tell me am i guai or guai. i've been attempting to do my homework but my lazy brain keeps refusing to cooperate and do the dammit homework. i'll do them, really really i will! but i dont see the point of doing them anyway.

and i seriously can't wait for monday. monday monday hurry comeeeeeeeeee! i bet everyone's gonna laugh at me when they see me. nvm i'll run away. hahaha.

did i mention that i love hockey? i love hockey it makes me happy.

hahaha i'm scared and i'm so tired. so so sick and tired. and i'm scared. ah dammit what is wrong with me. hahaha i'm sorry for the weird post. its 3 am plus plus in the morning, what do you expect.

ooohhh i'm going indonesiaaaa! oh mannn i'm excitedddd! haha i'm sorry for missing the 9th though. ):

i think i'm gonna die soon. very very soon. hahaha i want school days to come! okay no i'm not so sure. ahhh my tummy hurts.

hahaha fine i'm off before i type anything else weirder.

2006-11-19T14:07:00.000-08:00

heh heh i'm blogginggggg! rightttttt, i know i haven't been blogging, haha i'm just too lazy. lots and lots and lots of thingshappened during this hols, but im too lazy. and my blog is so dead nowthat i doubt people still come here to read it, but its okay. trng's beenreaaaaaaaalllll fun, even though some were shit, but oh mannnnn i love lovelove hockey((: haha posting's result is fine, im fine with anything. but i'm reallyscareddddddd for next year.

okay so anyway, yesterday was really tiring. went for trng in the morning, brought my sister along, people tricked me to thinking trng was cancelled! assssss. we ran rounds aroundthe stadium in 9 mins, played friendly against st nichs, and i played like crappp, but nevermindd.hahaha and my aunt is damn nice, she came all the way to ccab to fetch me, then she started nagging and lecturing me for not bringing anything to shower, saying that i have to showereach time after trng yaddayadda, then she lent me all her clothes and soap shampoo all. hahaha damn funny.

thennn, right after trng, went to the zoooo! wah i haven't been there for ages. all the memories came back. surprisingly i can still remember them. hahaha i think i saw someone's twin there. right, so i was pretty shagged after trng, but heh i still went to the zoo anyway. and it was so exhausting, walking here and there. but it was fun, and interesting. oh man i love the giraffes! hahaha so tall! and i dunno why, but i hate crocodiles. and i couldnt even play at the swing since i had to be nice and give a chance to let other children play. hmph. hahaha.

then right after that, went for hari raya gathering or sth like that with di and her family all. i dunno why, but di seems to be obsessed with long hairs. haha weirdo. wahlau firdaus is damn mean okayyyy.i was already damn damn tired and all they were doing were playing malay hari raya songs so i just stared and stoned. then he kept on making fun of me saying i dont understand the song because my malay's horrendous. and he said that i'm violent. and because it was frigging hot in there so i was perspiring(haha see di i used PERSPIRING) like mad and he said i looked like i just came out of the rain with my make up all dropping down. that idiot. there was a time where they asked 10 people to go up to play sth and di made me do it with her! she pulled me up on stage with her and oh mannn it was sooo embarrassing! so di, rafi and i played the stupid game. and that asshole took a video of it all. we all were supposed to stand in one line and the last person had to think of actions to describe the picture that the guy shows. and then he'd have to pass it down the line until it reaches the front. the first person has to guess what animal it was. i was soo embarrassed omg! my face was going all red and i just wanted to run away and hide myself. having to do stupid actions on stage. when everyone's looking. and everyone laughed like shit cause the actions changes as it goes down the line. hahaha thanks to di! and then there was one time the mc called me nenek kebayan cause of the actions i did. wahlau. then we were all so exhausted after the thing finished, imagine if we had really went to catch a movie. hahaha then tada.

long post, i know. i feel like deleting this blog. hmmm, i'll think abt it.

2006-10-30T01:41:00.000-08:00

hahh i've got pictures!

I LOVE 2C1'06, I SWEAR I DO.

my handsomeeeeeeeeeee! XDDDDDD

ooohhh look who's the tallest! HAHA!

Mel, Nadiah, Di, Farah.

Melissa Nadiah Diyana Farah.

okay i feel so shagged. i just returned back from visiting. i've been busy with hari raya and all and i have to practically wake up early like every single day. i'm tired. but nvm i shall blog.

hahaha so hari raya was damn funnnnnnnnnnnnnn! well, there were times where i just wanted to hide myself from everyone else but wth. and SOMEBODY got a lecture, I WONDER WHO. oh yeah and thanks to you, i had one myself. HAHA. hahaha di and i practically camwhored the whole time. and i think the craziest thing we did was to play catching with the boys in our baju kurung. HAHA well, the adults were talking abt well yeah and besides, the house was totally crammed up so we all decided to go down to the playground. after playing with the slides and everything, we got bored so me and di played catching with the boys. tell me we're insane. can you imagine, running around with the irritating baju kurung. lucky bustards who get to run around in pants. unfair i tell you. haha mel and farah decided to be feminine and just stood there laughing at us. so by the time we went back up to the house, we were sweating like crap and our make ups were all smudged. hahaha crazyyyyyyyyyyyy. but well it was fun.

wednesday, school was haha. we climbed trees! to take pics. and sarah's cam decided to die on us just as me and adee got on the tree. smartttttttt.

thursday was the last day of school. we all sat together reminiscing of all the memories we had together as a class. those crazy but lovely memories. oh mannn i'll miss you guys like truckloadsssssss! i love every single one of you and i'll miss everything we did together in 2C1.

goodbye beloved hockey teammates.
you guys have taught me so many things and the bond i shared with you guys, i'll treasure always. you guys have shown me the true meaning of team spirit, fighting spirit, mental strength, physical strength, passion, and just everything. you guys never failed to cheer me up and make me laugh, always putting a smile on my face, each and every time. just every moment i spend with you guys make it an enjoyable one. the common love and passion we share for the game. i'll miss all those crazy memories i shared with you guys, really. i love you guys, every single one of you. and as much as it breaks my heart to do this, i'm sorry, but i'll be there to support you guys in every single match. train hard and all the best for bdiv yeah. thank you for just everything.

goodbye dearest 2C1.
we've been together for 2 straight years, and i'll miss all the times i've shared with you guys. it amazes me how much we're grown and matured together over the past year and how much we've changed, both physically and mentally. its sometimes funny how we look at our sec one photos together as a class and notice just how much everybody looks so much different. and i guess, we all learnt to love and accept each other for our own differences. and i'll just miss everything abt 2C1. i can't imagine being in a totally different class with different faces in a different class.i can't imagine being in a same class with any other people except the people in 2C1. i love you guys. every single one of you.

goodbye you.

now that i've lost almost everything, all i have now is my family and i'll treasure them like there's no tomorrow. i promise i will.

2006-10-18T23:44:00.000-07:00

hmm hmm hmm. today was hmm. results were hmmm. celebrations were... weird. and funny too. we kept on laughing at lots of things and sarah is disgusting with her TISSUE thing. HAHA. and me adee sarah steph played this game the entire time. funny. adee tried to sarbo sarah when the person called out for volunteers to wear the sari but the lady came up and picked adee instead. and it was hilarious seeing adee on stage. HAHA. steph and adee tried to sarbo me the entire time when they called out for volunteers to do the indian dance steps, calling out my name super loudly, but thank god i didn't have to go up. embarrassing. after that it was results. hmmmm. i have nothing to say. the class looked super sad with everyone crying it made me want to cry even though i was trying so so hard not to. steph and adee crying because they wouldn't be in the same class next year was heartwarming, really. i'll miss 2C1 so so much. i can't bear to imagine the day that we all have to be separated, the day that i'll be in a new class with new faces, no more the retarded 2C1 that makes me laugh and smile anymore. after school was hahaha funny.

and i guess you're right, i have everything else except that. and i guess i should stop complaining and start appreciating. and i do appreciate what i have now. and i'm thankful for it. but its the one thing i love so so much and it feels so painful without it. i want it back. i really do want it back. please please please? i guess we're really not meant to have the things that we want. oh screw that.

2006-10-16T22:31:00.000-07:00

my weekends were horrible. remind me never to have children ever. they're like, they're like... monsters! running around the house screaming to the top of their lungs, ruining and destroying everything they can get their hands on, screaming when they dont get what they want, they make you go crazy and pull all of your hair out. seriously! moral of the story: never ever ever have children. HAHA but im sure i'll change my mind later on.

and the tv is spoilt so great, now i cant even watch the tv. oooohhh its working now! my brother saves the day!
and i ate alot i'm so full now. so much for losing weight. tskkkkkk.

omg omg i just realised its alr the 23rd day which means its only 7 more days which means 11 more days till school closes which means no more 2c1 how how how why is time flying by so fast its sooo scary how time can just pass by without you even realising it can the clock stop ticking just for once?!

hahaha all of a sudden, i'm wishing that it was still the exam period where i get all stressed up and too preoccupied with all my books and studying to think about anything else, because this just hurts too much. and you have no freaking idea. haha how ironic.

hahaha and i wonder how, i wonder why. i wonder. i wonder. i wonder.

2006-10-14T13:54:00.000-07:00

HEH HEH HEH i love life. don't you?
i finished reading jodi picolt's sister's keepers. its so heartwarming, it opened up my eyes. the way some people have to go through everyday of their life knowing that they're gonna die anytime soon. to appreciate life the way it is now. i watched coach carter. i've been longing to watch it since forever, but the exams prevented me from doing so. but i didn't know that it would bring me to tears. it brought me back to those memories. oh what lovely memories. and i'll never know if i'm ever getting them back. but that's too soon to say. we're getting results back this week. somehow, i dunno why, im feeling scared. but more of excited. to know the outcome of all the shit the exams have been putting me through. im excited to know what im going to achieve, and though im pretty much sure i wont do well, i'll be fine because i know i put in my best effort. all those stressing up and late nights and all my sacrifice of sleep and tv and yaddayadda. so i'll be fine.

past few days have been hmmm okay. i loved wednesday though. school has been a total bore, with all those stupid talks. which i spent pretty much the whole time sleeping. but i musn't complain, because thats the only time i have left with 2C1`06 before we're splitting up. oh how i'll miss them. the thought of being in another class after 2 whole years of crescent in 2c1, after getting to know each other, after how much we've gone through together, its just scary. oh just imagine. but i enjoyed inter-house competition. even though i was abit gong during the few mins of the game playing powerball, you can't blame me cause i had absolutely no idea how to play the game. and surprisingly, i enjoyed the amath course. and all of a sudden i feel so determined to study. i paid attention during the course, and keong was so surprised that we were actually doing the work he assigned us to do when he came in. weird teacher.

i dunno why, but i realised what i've been missing all the while when i was all cooped up in my books. i've gotten closer to my siblings, i helped out in the house more, i helped out with my sister's homework more. and now i'm more like willing to do so. last time it used to be a burden. i've realised all the immaturity thinking i have for my family. i love them. don't you? HAHA. anddddd. i learnt that the computer, the television, it isn't everything. i can do so much more conducive things without them. HAHA.

ok, i'm off. if you ask me, i think this is a weird post. HAHA.

2006-10-09T15:48:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA YEAHHH BABYYYYY! EXAMS ARE LIKE FINALLY OVER LIKE WHOOOOO! TOTALLY DUDE, TOTALLY! AHAHAHAHA. okay sorry, im just highhhhh now and happy that the exams are over. like HELLO WORLDDDDDD! IM ALIVEEEE. AHAHAHA LIKE TRALALA! ooohhh wait noooo! thats not goood! means the year is coming to an end soon means lesser time to spend with 2c106 means im getting closer and closer to becoming a sec three and i'll be in a totally different class means i wont be in the same class as 2c1 means i'll miss them! ))): okay dont ruin my mood now okayyyy. i'm HIGHHHH. exams are over exams are over. no more stressing out and killing my brain cells. i get my precious sleep back! i get my tv back! i get to slack and rot like nobody's business. like WHOOHOOOOO! okay sorry, must enjoy first okay! to save my tears for later when i get my results. cause im pretty sure i practucally screwed everything. BUT NEVERMINNNNNDDDD! okay blogblogblog!

HAHAHA yesterday! i was so freaked out in the morning before the science paper, asking everyone to test me and everything. last few minutes of the paper i was rushing to check through and everything. when choy collected my paper, i realised that the exams were like over so i started laughing to myself like some retard. haha surprising why i'm the only one who's so happy that the exams are finally over. sarah said she didn't even feel any difference! CRAZYYYY! okay then, went out with girlfriend. i was being so high, seriously. i laughed at nothing and every single thing. haha even sya said she's never seen me that happy. HAHAHA but sya was gloomy cause she didn't see her hero and i just started laughing halfway before she even told me her story.

HAHAHA okay thennnnnn, we decided to go to bugis and walk to esplanade from there. sya wanted to take neos first, but i didn't want to. so i didn't remind her and she only remembered when she reached esplanade. LOSAHHH! HAHAHA. then sya never went to the national library before, so we went there for awhile and she started WOAHH-ing at everything. then then thennnn, ooooh you know! that woman ah! her stories all go like "then then then" and it takes her like dunno how long just to finish her story. like seriously! then in the end, after her loooong story, there was no point at all to it. HAHAHA. and she kept on calling me OTHER PEOPLE'S names and talking to me in malay. and the weather was like damn hot so she was dying to get aircon as much as possible. and she was complaining the whole time that she was tired and that she wanted to sit down. haiyohhhhh.

so we reached esplanade, and it felt like hours walking there, but then we realised that it was only 12. so we walked around esplanade, and i took pretty pictures! HAHA like some tourist like that. and i tell you ah, you seriously cannot take her out when she's fasting. she practically went "wahhhh. nadiahhhhh. foooood." each time we passed by a restaurant or sth. HAHA. then after that, she wanted to watch a movie, so we decided to walk back to city hall, then take a train to plaza sing. i wanted to watch john tucker must dieeeeee! stupid cinema didnt have it. so.... sya made me watch stay alive. and i had no idea it was a thriller movie until i watched it. good la. the last time we watched when a stranger calls, i got so traumatized by the movie i promised i was never ever going to watch another scary movie, especially not with her. so the next scary movie i watched, i watched it with who? syaaaaaaaaaaa! of all person. HAHA! i actually forgot that i wasn't supposed to watch another scary movie with her. haha then before the movie actually started, there was this trailer on another scary movie which was The Gruduge 2. and i tell you, we alr started screaming when they were previewing the trailer. really, it was damn scaryyyyy! what more watching the whole movie right. so i promised that i was NEVER NEVER NEVER going to watch it with sya, NO WAY OKAY! HAHAHA. i remembered last time we were still laughing on the mrt train after watching when a stranger calls, after feeling so traumatized watching the movie. HAHA.

so after that, we walked from plaza sing to somerset. imagine how much we walked in one day! sya decided to take one whole round to her stop, she accompanied me to my stop. oooohhh HAHAHA then when we were standing in the train, sya started to say that she was feeling so disgusted. and i had no idea what she was talking abt. then she pointed out to this geeky couple who were apparently messaging each other when they were right beside each other. HAHAHA we started laughing at them like shit la. okay okay i feel bad, but HAHAHA its funny okay! so i was like wondering why would they want to do that, when they're right beside each other. then i made a guess that the girl was angry at the guy for sth, cause the girl looked damn sad. haha so they stopped messaging each other, then the guy was trying so hard to talk to her and make up or sth. HAHAHA. but the girl just ignored him. HAHA so when we FINALLY got a seat, they shifted and then they started standing further apart from each other. then the guy messaged him something, they made up and started hugging each other, with the girl crying. they sat down, lying down on each other. and the whole time me and sya just couldn't help laughing at them. hahaha okay sorry, i feel guilty, but it was funnyyyyyyy! like watching a movie. HAHA see la sya, you're so mean. so i alighted and went home, STILL smiling to myself to the fact that the exams just ended. HAHAHA. then i got home, my mother asked me to help her do this and that, then yeah. HAHA.

and im tired now cause i just came back from practically wet marketing to groceries shopping to uh furniture shopping to baju kuring shopping to onion shopping(HAHA!) to groceries shopping AGAIN. and im tired. haha maybe i shall go catch up on my sleep. oh bed, how i miss you so. but on second thought, i miss my tv more! HAHAHA sorry, long post, but im happy! i feel pretty and witty and gayyyy! (stupid sya's song. HAHA!)

oh. my brother can sometimes be an ass and weird and irritating and soooo bimbotic and egoistic and act cool and (taller than me ahems) and just plain weird(HAHAHA my brother's gonna kill me if he reads this). and my sister is sometimes weird and vain and soooo sensitive and attempts to kiss me dunno how many million times and stares at herself in the mirror for dunno how long and talks to her mirror image like some weird person, BUT THEY SOOOOO TOTALLY ROCK ASS AND I LOVE THEM! HAHAHA.(((:

woahh, look at how long this post is. like TOTALLY AWESOME! hahaha under the influence of my ass brother.

2006-10-07T18:22:00.000-07:00

remember those days, where it was eat hockey, sleep hockey,
breathe hockey, dream hockey.
remember those days where we would get retarded and start doing stupid things.
though cdiv lasted very shortly despite all our efforts, it was great while it lasted.
i'll always cherish those times.
the bond we shared, the joys and laughters we shared, the tears we shed,
the sweat we shed for crescent hockey, those encouragements we give each other
to keep each other going.

remember those train rides home we used to take together
remember those days, where we would pour our hearts out to each other
remember those days, where we would give each other chocolates and small notes just to cheer us up
remember that night, where we cried on the phone because of the problems we were facing
&it was there, that i knew, you'd be there for me always.
remember those days, we would bitch endlessly abt yaddayaddayadda

&its all these memories that i'll keep forever in my heart
i'll always remember them.
i love girlfriend(:
i love cdiv crescent hockey(:
somdeday we'll know, if our love can move a mountain(:

&if you took every memory, every moment, if you streched them end to end - they'd reach forever.

2006-09-30T13:26:00.000-07:00

HAHAHA i'm blogging!

okay. school's been okay. OHMYGOD you just have to try sitting beside sarah and ida. they're damn noisy lah! you just cannot pair the two of them up. and i thought i was the super retarded one. sheesh.

haha so yesterday, rauf and rafi came over to our house to STUDY. so they break fast at our house and you should just see what rafi ate. he ate practically everything there was on the table. haha. then yaddayadda, we went to kampong glam and geylang to see the bazaar with di's family and my another aunt and yaddayadda. hahaha it was fun, and i enjoyed everyone's company. i swear i laughed till my stomach was aching. and i reached home at 4 AM!

yesterday...

-i learnt that i was from the descent of the indian merchants and businessmen. means i'm not from the descendant of slaves!
-i learnt that my mother tongue is actually tamil but im the way i am now because my family was brought up in the malay community. imagine me looking like an indian. cooooooolZXZXZXZ! O_O i knew i was an indian but i never bothered asking about my background
-i learnt to appreciate the surroundings and everything around me. from the beauty of buildings, wether torned and old, or modernised, to
nature.
-i learnt that i'm back to my old self again, bottling everything up and hiding and faking away everything, because i don't feel comfortable anymore telling anything to anyone, not even you. i'm sorry.
-i learnt how hard dee can slap, and how good she is at scissors paper stone, because we played the slapping game and heart attack, and she kept on winning!
-i think i became stronger due to the number of times we arm wrestled one another. and that ass rafi keep winning!
-i learnt the reason why but i can't tell you. hahaha oh wellllllllllllllllls.
-i learnt that everything's different now, and i can't tell you that i like the change, because i don't.
-andddd... i ate alot!

and i guess that two years of effort and sweat and tears, no one knows how much i've gone through to get to where i am today. the pressure that was set on me, the effort i put in every single time to improve, and just everything. how others just have it all easy while i have to go through it the hard way. and then now when i see what i get, i see how much my effort has all gone to waste, all gone down the drain, and how i see others have accomplished so much, and then i dunno. oh wellllllllllllls. its just that way huh. and sometimes, i just feel like giving up. but no matter, i've still got all the memories to keep with me. its those sweet memories that i shall cherish and treasure forever, for they have thought me so much and brought me so much happiness and laughters. i got the chance to be a part of them and i won't trade it for anything else in the world.

hahahaha too bad because i was laughing so much, all happy and high early in the morning with dee and everyone else. hahaha oh wells.

hahaha its okay. its okay.
haha this post isn't meant to be understood. so dont try to understand them.

2006-09-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

because damnit, those words hurt. so much you have no idea. you have no idea how much you've put me through, how much i had to put up
with thanks to you. and you have no idea how i still manage to go to school every single day laughing and smiling my ass off, pretending nothing ever happened.
you have no idea how i just laugh it off, everything that you put me through.
do you know how much effort it takes to do that?
you have no idea how hard it was to get back on my feet on my own each time i fell, because of you.
you have no idea how much i just felt like giving up every single time.
you have no idea how it feels like bottling up every single thing and when i do open up, you accuse me of such things.
you don't know a single thing about whats going on with me and my friends in school, please don't jump to conclusions.
and i'm expected to face all the effing blame and consequences that you put me through.
like fuck, damnit.
HAHAHAHAHA its okayyyyyyyyy. no wait, everything is okay. HAHAHAHA god nadiah, you suck. HAHAHAHA sorry, i just need to laugh now. HAHAHAHA lets play hide and seek. i'll be hiding in the toilet, away from the whole world. HAHAHAHA dammnit. life's beautiful ain't it?

i love dee!((((:

haha my aunt from indonesia and her family came to Singapore and stayed in our house for like a month to give birth to their newborn baby. and they've got a son who's one year old who's super cuteeeeeee! even though he makes so much noise and screams and cries every single time and keep biting me, haha i still love him! and now that they've left, the house feels so quiet. no one to make me smile when i reach home anymore. no one to look forward to go home to anymore. but one thing that i learnt from their stay here is that a mother's love to their child can never amount to any other love in this world. the amount of pain it took to carry us in their stomachs for nine long months, then deliver us into this world, the burden they had to face breastfeeding us and looking after us each time we cried, the burden changing our diapers each time, looking after us through all these years. and yet we never failed to disappoint them and break their hearts time and time again. and though we broke their hearts again and again, they still love us. the effort they put to make things better each time. we never really took the time to appreciate our mothers for everything they've done for us. and we never told our mother how much we loved them. those three words are always neglected. i love you mummy(: i know i never said it to you enough, but i do.

2006-09-16T17:58:00.000-07:00

life's beautiful. yes it is. yes, life sucks, but i guess thats life. there's the ups and downs of life, but if it weren't for the down side, we wouldn't be as strong as how we were today. and life wouldn't be much fun anymore, would it? we only seem to see the down side of it. when problems come in our way, we only think of how much life sucks or how much you want to jump down the building and die. but if everybody were to commit suicide and die when they face problems, then everyone would be dead by now, wouldn't they? but we never really got to sit down and think about the beauty of life. we only see the negativity of it, never appreciating the beautiful memories it brings us. the memories that brings us happiness, smlies, laughters. yes, it brings us tears. but it also brings us happiness, friendships, love, and just everything. and if you add all of them up, they're much much better than the problems you face. life's just beautiful. it may seem to suck at times. you don't always get what you want. but that's life. but you'll soon come to realise, that isn't that bad. when you know how to make the best out of it, and to appreciate everything that you have. i guess i'm starting to look at the positive side of life and to appreciate everything that i have right now. life's not depressing, there's more to life than just problems and stress and tears. its just the beauty and uniqueness of life. i love life. i love every single thing about it. i love my parents. i love my family. i love my friends. i love my hockey teammates. i love you. i love just everything and everyone. i feel grateful to be blessed with great friends and family, a great school, i'm blessed to have known and love you. and i may not be pretty, or smart, or tall, or slim, or imperfect in so many ways, but i'm blessed to be the way i am. i'm grateful to be healthy, to have hands to eat and write, to have legs to walk and run, to have ears to listen, eyes to see, mouth to talk, and everything. i'm grateful to have a house to stay in, food to eat everyday and just everything.

2006-09-16T16:06:00.000-07:00

since yuki is like NAGGING AT ME for leaving my blog to rot, I SHALL BLOG. yuki you better be happy ah! okay sooooooooo, lets blog.

i can't really remember what happened for the past few days, but nvm, i shall talk abt today. lets hear abt my boring life, shall we?

haha according to my memory, on wednesday, i was resting my eyes during maths lesson. and i woke up to find keong bending down low right in front of my table. so of course i got shocked and i actually screamed. tskk the whole class laughed at me.

then on thursday, i slept for the whole period of recess because i was tired. and i woke up to find so many people surrounding my table. haha but i didn't scream this time. they claimed that the screamed at me and did all sorts of tricks on me but i still didn't wake up. i didn't even feel anything! ooh and keong put his hair into side-parting and was so overwhelmed that we actually noticed. we were the first class to notice. HAHA funny keong.

i ran 7-8km with rauf in the night, even though i havent even finished studying! we ran from my house all the way to singapore sports school there and back until 7-11. haha i wanna go to sport school! super big la the school! so we went home, showered, and went to sleep.

then yesterday, mass run was hahaha. i swear it was the fastest mass run i ever ran. we were all hoping that mass run was cancelled, cause the clouds were looking as though it was about to rain. then when yvonne ong asked us to do jumping jacks, we really thought that it was cancelled. but she cheated our feelings so we were practically screaming and grumbling the whole way when running. we had to lead run, and we practically sprinted the whole way. like woah. i was being totally weird during class today, i had no idea why, why laughing to myself and all. and poor yuki had to endure through it all. and i stoned ALOT today. we were comparing our legs during maths lesson, THROUGH THE OHP MIRROR (?!!?) okay it started by me lying my head on the table, and i noticed that i could see my bag through the OHP mirror. so i went "ooh i can see my bag at the OHP mirror" then yuki went "yeah" and looked at her legs. at that time i couldn't see my legs cause i was sitting cross-legged on the chair. so i put it down and then we started to compared legs. HAHAHA FUNNY. and then keong stared at us and said that we lost our focus. TSKK. then after school, went home with girlfriend. HAHAHA i swear she's damn funny. i spent the whole time laughing at her. and sarah was being mean. ASS. HAHA. i took a nap in the afternoon but it was disturbed by the pain in the ass baby cousin who kept on biting me to wake me up. but its okay, i still love him. it was a nice dream though. tskk. then in the night, di's family came over cause they just got their new car. HAHAHA RED HOT CHILLI PADI! HAHAHA i finally got to see di after like forever. so she spent the whole time writing my sister's birthday card using ALPHABET CHOPS and using my tablet to go online. i dunno why she finds the handwriting thing so fascinating. HAHA.

today's a horrible day. ugh horrible horrible. BLEAGH.

haha okay i dunno what i'm talking about. ugh i feel so lethargic and feverish. and its raining now. nice weather to eat ah. haha okay bye.

2006-09-07T21:37:00.000-07:00

would it be wrong to say that i want you back?

no i can't do that.

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

2006-09-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again
I'll be loving you

Love, Me.

2006-09-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

today was a really nice day. super retarded and hilarious and stupid, but fun. i did alot of stupid things though. good day. but then again, i dunno.

okay. i woke up to find HUGEE eyebags staring back at the mirror. i didn't expect it to be that bad. HAHAHA SOMEONE OWES ME ICE CREAM!(((((: then yaddayaddda, went to school for science. i thought i took the wrong train but HAH, i didn't! anyway, arrived at the auditorium, and we were being super retarded. steph and adee came and they started to take out food that they brought from home. sarah brought cornflakes, adee brought cookies, and steph brought this box with different kinds of cakes, and they were delicous! so we shared all the food among ourselves, out in the open at the auditorium, as though we were having some kind of party or sth. but HAHA it was fun. then during the lesson was just retarded, and i actually paid attention when i planned to sleep throughout the whole thing since i was so tired. steph and adee started taking sarah's comb cum handphone and started talking into it and gossiping about each other as though it was a real phone. super retarded i tell you! then sarah drew tattoos on my body! and she claimed that it was super nice and got obsessed over it, cause it was her that drew it. HAHA. but too bad its gone now. my mother actually thought that it was a tattoo la! HAHA see la sarah! ooooh ooh! me and sarah played this stupid game by seeing how long we could put hold our legs up. HAHAAHAHA AND I WON! XDXDXDXD. then ms azrina walked pass and we had to pretend to do our work while looking stupid holding up our legs. HAHA.

after lesson ended, i went home with sarah, girlfriend and pootree. HAHAHA i think it was super retarded. they bullied me! poor me. i got smacked by pootree SO MANY TIMES! cause she smacked me each time we passed by beetles since we took the 111 bus to commonwealth. and we saw so many! TSKK DAMN MEAN! i tried to prevent her from smacking me by seeing if i could spot the beetle first. but heh i was too slow. i dropped my wallet when i tapped my ezlink card and i screamed. HAHA embarrassing. then then! sarah and gf fooled me okay! they pretended to go into the train heading towards pasir ris even though i insisted that it was the wrong way. but i still believed them and followed them okay! then when everyone was going in they turned back. MEAN ASSES I TELL YOU! and they kept on making fun of my height.gf wanted to go and eat at lj since she wanted to eat the chocolate dessert there. so i decided to be nice and accompany her. HAHAHA. i think all her lame jokes were super funny la! lame but hilarious. HAHAHA. so we were delicously eating our chocolate dessert. and then when i was walking home that woman go and sms me saying that she was supposed to be fasting. damn pro ah woman! HAHA. yeah then yadda yadda yadda. went home and slept the whole time. i swear rauf is SUPER WEIRD AND RETARDED LAH! HAHAHA SOMEBODY'S BEST FRIEND. but anyway, i swear he's damn weird! he's right beside me now and making me laugh like shit. wah i laughed so hard today until i want to die alr. its been awhile since i've laughed this much. i guess its back to the old days, where nothing seems to be real, when you fake your smiles to the whole world.

haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, this hurts.

2006-08-29T05:50:00.000-07:00

i'm so sick. im just so sick of everything. that damn song dancing in the
moonlight is playing outside so loudly and its sound so happy while im
here feeling so sad and all. fuck damn it. i guess everything's just...
different now. just everything. and the whole world just falls on you
and what can you do about it. i guess i need you, but you don't need
me anymore. well then, farewell good friend. cause i don't know you
anymore. and each time we say hello it feels like goodbye. each time
we talk there's the awkwardness of silence. i'm tired of trying.

i guess everyone has their own problems, and the whole world doesn't
just revolve around me. but fuck, no one knows just how difficult it is.
when you fake just everything, your smile, your laughs, your happiness,
you just fake everything and pretend to everyone else that you're fine,
that everything's fine. you know what i'm going through, but you don't
really understand how it is for me. i'm just tired. so tired. fuck, i'm sorry. i
dunno what i'm saying, i'm just not in the right mood. damnit.

i'm not perfect you know? if all you want is for me to be perfect, then
fuck, why don't you just kill me. someday, i'll thank you for making my
life as shitty and miserable as it can possibly get, cause it made me
stronger and i'll think back and be satisfied with what i can overcome.
but right now, i'm just barely hanging on. and its just a few more steps
till i fall off that cliff.

but with you, you make everything seem just fine.

you know what, i'm still thinking about the hockey tournament and what could've been. i know, i know, i'm not supposed to dwell on it. but sometimes, i just can't help it. all our effort, our sweat, our tears, our bond, just everything. and i guess it just wasn't meant to be. but what was it that went wrong? why didn't we deserve it? oh wells. it just wasn't meant to be.

2006-08-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

SUCKS.

my cough is getting so much worse and im having a fever plus a headache. and im out of panadol! life just cannot get any worse.

hehh lets recap okay. i wanna recap. HAH just bear with it!

friday;
friday was a good day. thats rather unusual because i hate fridays. no i hate everyday but fridays are just the worse. but friday was nice. mass run, we ended up running instead even though we intended to walk. hehh, we were too lazy to run. but wth. i felt really really sick, and my eyes were feeling so heavy so i went to sleep in the sick bay. i was supposed to sleep for only one period but i ended up oversleeping and missing two periods. but we were having art and irene tay didn't say anything. then... blah blah blah. lessons. oooooh! i pity yuki for having to sit with me. i was sms-ing in class the whole time and each time a teacher walked pass us she would go like "POON!" and start hitting me. HEHH. so she was kinda like my look-out. and she was like so scared for me the whole time. HAHAHA funny funny. poor partner. (((: then went to causeway with girlfriend since i was meeting my mother there and she was meeting her brother. so blah blah blah. on the way there was HAHAHAA funny funny. we were being high the whole time and sya was being funny. then met up with my mother, blah blah blah. we watched the break-up. it was damn boring la. haha. then yeah.

saturday;
saturday was really really nice. i was able to go for trng and it was damn nice to be touching the ball and stick again. i missed hockey damn alot. even though i wasn't feeling well and i didn't have my stick so i had to use the wooden one, and i got hit by the ball and my fingers are super swollen now, and its damn ugly! i can't even touch anything with feeling any pain! thank god it was the left one or i would've just died. but HAHA trng was overall rather nice. though it was kinda slack since coach was overseas. damn, i'm starting to lose all of my defending skills. and my hits are like atrocious. aaaaahhh this sucks. but anyway, after that HAHAHA me and tasneem were being HAHAHAHA in the toilet. WE ARE FIRST TIMERS TASNEEM! i shall not say anything. but it was rather funny in the toilet. HAHAHA stupid tasneem. then went home with sya and yadda yadda yadda. i went to religous school and it was okay. i didn't do anything much after that.

sunday;
uhhh HAHAHA my sundays are wasted slacking at home. but we're going groceries shopping later in JB. oooh can buy DVDs! SSHHHHH. HAHA.

yeah.

dnt commontest on monday and my books are in school. tell me how shit i am. WOW SMART, NADIAH!but nvm, i can still study in school. yeah okay can.

fuck you, i hate you you asshole.

i didn't believe a single thing you said.

2006-08-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

i just read my private blog that i kept since last year. and i swear i was almost close to tears. i felt the feeling of sadness as i read my use of vulgarities, all referring to my hatred for you. love, hate, jealousy, all emotions mixed into one. i got reminded of how hurt i got last year, how much pain was inflicted on me. did you really mean to do all those things to hurt me last year? i'm sorry. life was more enjoyable back then. and there i was complaining about how horrible my life was, ranting and ranting all the vugarities i could think of, without appreciating anything i had. i never took the time to sit down and appreciate life as it was. and now, look at what happened to me. i guess everything i'm getting now, i deserve every single taste of bitterness of it. i read about how much hatred i had for you, and it hurt so much reading it. i never really got to appreciate how enjoyable and carefree my life was, and now, everything changed.

i guess life is a test. and each time you overcome a test, another test comes in your way. and all you can do is to overcome each test that is thrown into your face, and then be satisifed with what you achieved when you sit down and reflect back everything you have done. i guess its these tests that you face that makes you grow stronger and wiser each time.

yes, i'll overcome this. i'm strong, i can do this. i'll come to prove you wrong, i will. believe me, just you wait. and after all of this is over, i'll be proud of myself for what i've achieved.
and even if i don't, i won't carry any regrets at all.

who am i kidding.

yesterday's library outing(?) with girlfriend was LOVES(: its been awhile since i've actually got to spend time with girlfriend. and me and sya were just practically high the whole time. we were being guai and stayed back to do our maths homework.(only because we were going to be demerited if we didn't) then we went to jurong library because sya wanted to borrow this book but it turned out that it wasn't there. HAHA. but it was really nice with girlfriend. (((:
babe, i'm so proud of you and i'm so glad that you're much happier now. i love you(:

then the great day was just ruined by 2 HOURS of freaking maths. imagine that, having to crack my head for 2 hours, all for maths. i tell you, my brain is going to be damaged my numbers soon. HEHH.

you bitch.

2006-08-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

I KNOW YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET! XDDDDDDDDDDDD

I LOVED LOVED LOVED YESTERDAY LOTS AND LOTS! di's family FINALLY came to our house after like dunno how long and i FINALLY got to see di! i haven't seen her for like ages la! i missed her so much. her family came over to visit but di came later as she went out first. and seriously, the waiting for her to come was like killing me! before she came, i wasn't really in a good mood because uh yeah HAHA. the gay guys, my brother and rafi, di's smaller brother, played counter strike on the laptop and seeing i had nothing else to do, i just watched them play. omg i swear rafi's laughs are seriously contagious! when he starts laughing, its so hard to not laugh along with him, even though its not funny. seriously! and every single time he starts laughing at anything at all, it just sets me off laughing. WTH! HAHAHA. and it was hilarious watching the gay guys play and getting themselves killed. HAHA! and my attempt to be a bimbo failed miserably. HMPHHHH. not my fault okay! they were being so rough to me! its the temptation of being mean. HEHH. and the whole time i was like 'when is di coming! when is di coming!' HAHA. then then then... she finally came! man, she totally lightened up the mood and atmosphere. and i totally screamed when i saw her. HAHAHA. omg DIYANAAAAAAA! HAHAHA every single time i think abt her i just start laughing. it was super hilarious yesterday can! we could just look at each other and start giggling and laughing. she couldn't even stop smiling! HAHAHA and i made her blush! and omg rauf, di's older brother, was being SUPER ANNOYING! seriously! we were having "girl talk" and he just came into the room and being a busybody, pretending to be a girl. WTH. and he wouldn't leave the room! we did, however, lock the door when he went out for awhile, but then he came in by the window, giving us a scare. )))))))))): ooooooh we also surprised di with a birthday cake and she was so shocked, thinking that we were only joking. HAHA! HAHA go look at her blog for pics! oh man it was really really nice seeing her again. (((((((((((: HAHAHA HILARIOUS! nice nice day(:

i realised that i've been thinking alot about the past and all the memories lately. HAHA and reading my blog archives are like HAHAHA HILARIOUS. especially my sec ones entries. omg HAHAHA i was practically rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. i hate the person that i was. and i realised that all my post were all so depressed. well most of them were, the others were all just retarded and high. HAHA i didnt know i was THAT emo! but haha, i guess i'm not like that anymore, all thanks to you. thank you you(: and you too(:

but somehow, it all brought back memories and i miss those memories. i miss those happy moments that i used to share with everyone. i miss those times we shared as a team, bonding with each other. HAHA i still remember the time when the whole team attacked me with MAYONAISE on my birthday! and i remember the times when it was 6 aside and we didn't have to go to school at all so the whole day was spent with the team. oh how fun. and i still remember the incident that happened, and it caused our friendship to turn all topsy-turvy. i guess thats why we're so drifted apart now. i guess things just change as you grow older huh. but hey, i kinda like the change. even though i miss the old times, but i'm happy(: i guess life's like that, everything changes as you grow older. and as you move on, there's nothing you can do but think back about the past and the happy times, or how foolish you were, but you can't really turn back the clock no matter how much you want it to. you grow wiser and wiser by the day. all the mistakes i made and will make, i know i won't regret them, because at least i know that i got to learn something out of it. i can say that i've been through it before and i know how it feels like. maybe when i grow older, i could share my experience with my children or my grandchildren and they'll learn from my mistake. and it goes on and on.

where am i getting at? i have no idea. haha.

2006-08-10T23:03:00.000-07:00

I HAVE A NEW NAME AND ITS ANASTACIA! nice name nice name HAHAHA XDDDDDDDDDDDD

i just realised the poor conditions of my hockey stick. its so distorted alr. oh my poor poor GRAYS GX 3000 HOCKEY STICK. but its okay, i still love you. its too bad your own stupid owner doesn't even know how to look after you. HEHH(:

i was REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY looking forward to sat's trng. (even though i dread to be a forward) but HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII OH WELLS. ))))))))))))))):

i really have no idea what i'm blogging abt. TSKKKKKKK(:

2006-08-09T18:45:00.000-07:00

HAHAHA HAPPY NATIONAL DAY! AND HAPPY SECOND!
2 down, and many many many many many many many more to go, love!<333333333

HAHA national day celebration in school yesterday was LOVES!(: HAHAHA HIGH HIGH HIGH! everyone was super high la. mass dance was HAHAHA, me and shyan kept on laughing about how enthu nat was dancing. then during 20 mins break sarah's junior came to sit with me and sarah and omg i swear she's damn funny la! make me laugh only. HAHA!(: and everybody kept on bullying me by dumping their handphones inside my bag and playing and making fun of my flower. HMPHH. HAHA(: then celebration in the hall was HAHAHAHA the BEST! HAHAHA omg SO HIGH SO HIGH! HAHAHA i LOVED LOVED LOVED community singing with everyone. omg HAHAHA hilarious! everybody kept on swinging and singing and thinking of stupid actions to the song. funneh funneh! i laughed so much until my stomach hurt like crap and i couldn't take it anymore. HAHA! and now i'm having a sorethroat and it hurts like crap, all thanks to the screamings and the laughings. TSKK. then i got bullied and tickled until want to die alr. WHO AH! I WONDER WHO. and omg i thought the teachers' perfomance was HAHAHAHA HILARIOUS! haha then went home with sya. OMG IPOD, WOMAN! freaking nice! jealous alr. HAHA. my sister is singing the singapore song again and again and its so annoying! i swear my ear is gonna burst soon from hearing her (out of tune) singing. HEHH.

you're not making any sense. i don't get you. & it has been awhile since i last cried, and it just had to be today. i don't remember ever feeling so happy like this before, and it just had to be today that you ruined it all. aaaaaaahhhhhh i feel so BLEAGH now.

you see! i knew i was going to somehow post sth weird or depressed today! damn, i'm psychic. HAHA!

SYA WHERE ARE YOU?! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU! ))))):

eh i miss di and her family! i wanna go their house! its been like 123456789 years since i've seen her! okay i'm exaggerating, but it feels that long! i'm dying! how to survive like that?! HAHAHA((:

ooooh im watching NDP now! see how patriotic i am! HAHAHA. maybe i'll see nat on tv!
i wanna watch fireworks with you! some LUCKY LUCKY PERSON get to watch fireworks with - right huh! HAHA.
damn, stupid mlg isnt working. just the perfect time to fail on me man.

AAAAHH OMG PRETTY FIREWORKS!

-

tag replies;
Nat; HAHAHA reveal my love for you my ass nat! HAHAHA 5 more days till YOU reveal your love for me! AWWWWWW. HAHA (:

sya; HAHAHA your favourite song! ((:

wolf; ughh, whatever.

yuki; EH REALLYYY! the japanese people were really speaking singlish! so annoying. HAHAHA like you never sms in class right huh! OMG YUKI. you didnt have to type sex discrimination on my tagboard! HAHAHA omg i swear mr m is hilarious la! HAHA(:

STEPH; HAHAHA HELLO STEPH!(:

aisah; HAHAHAHA MATHS DANCE! (:

JUANI; EHH JUANITA! i dowan to be forward! don't scare me leh! ):

~*La Creme*~; HAHAHA really? OMG LOSER RAUF! want to lie also dunno how. HAHAHA LOSER! you're coming to my house on sat! cant wait! sat sat quick come! HAHA(:

wah long long long post.

2006-08-06T00:17:00.000-07:00

TEEHEE. ((:

i think i'm turning crazy. and insane. and nuts. okay okay shut up. there's this damn loud and irritating indian song playing under my block and people are singing along to it, like karaoke, and HAHAHA it reminds me of tasneem. see tasneem i'm thinking of you now! (only because the song is irritating me so much and it sounds like the bollywood song) HAHA. i've been a good girl lately! (okay not really but SHHHHHH!) ANYWAY, went for trng yesterday. teehee i woke up late and was abt 30 mins late for trng? trng was in school, so it wasn't that intensive. and very few people came for trng. HAHAHA me and tasneem were singing BEEP the whole time. HAHAHA FUN FUN FUN! and OMG tasneem is damn lame la! so random. HAIYOH TASNEEM. after that went to tiong to eat with tasneem juanita yeeting cause we were hungry. and fangying's dad was nice enough to send us to tiong.(: then after that went home. blahblahblah. i went for 4 nations ytd also. but i could only watch the first match. malaysia vs japan. malaysia is GOOOOOD! it was a good match, and their skills and everything are like WOAAHHH! i got SUPER irritated by the group of japanese people(i think) who was sitting beside us. so annoying! they were scolding the malaysian players and and the umpires and they'd go like "WAHLAU EH! YOU SUCKER! REFEREE BLIND AH!" and yadda yadda yadda. SUPER ANNOYING!

and sarah was cracking us up with her aeroplane jokes. okay i'm slow but i still understand okay! and nat was being nuts(oooh rhymes!). HAHA(: ooooh and i saw my NUMBER SEVENTEEEEEEN MALAYSIA PLAYER! cause the second match was men malaysia vs india. TEEHEE(:

and at night i was just dead. heh. but i still studied! man i feel accomplished. but HAHA only because i felt really really motivated.

omg i swear my mother's really psychic! SCARYYYY! HAHA.

oooooh i can't wait for national day! 3 more days 3 more days 3 more days. man, VERY FAST! see see see i'm so PATRIOTIC i'm actually looking forward to national day! national day EXCITING EXCITING! okay HEHH you should know why. 3 MORE DAYS! ( SEE I REMEMBERED!) HAHA.

oookay i think i should uh study now. yupp yupp. HAHA(:

i'm starting to find you disgusting.

jealousy, turning saints into the sea.

-

tag replies;
(okay i know its abit late lah huh but nvm)

passer; HAHA thanks! how do you know that we're united anyway? and may i know who is this?

~*La Creme*~; THANKS DIYANA! eh i haven't seen you for AGES! I MISS YOU! LOVE YOU DIYANA!(:

tasneem; EH i dont laugh funny okay! BOLLYWOOD PARTNER!(:

JUANI; YEAH LAH i'm supposed to pair up with that retarded tasneem as my bollywood partner! tasneem you better be honoured! HAHA(:

yuki; awww THANKS YUKI!(: eh, what did i do to make you laugh?

wolf; thanks for rubbing it in ah. ASSSS.

syakiirah; i miss you too(:

mel; HAHA no i don't. why?

caryn; HAHA i forgot that i linked you too. HEH. i'll relink when i'm not lazy okay? HAHA(:

huiqi; HAHA i'll relink when i'm not lazy(:

marion*; WOAAHHH marion i got scared when you BOO-ED me! HAHAHA. hello marion!(:

sya; WHAAATTT?! that last sentence wasn't depressed! it was uh... okay i dunno. but its not depressed! HAHA(: AND WHY NEVER GO FOR TRNG HUH?! HAHA(:

JiaYi; uh HAHA no i don't mind but i don't even know who you are. do i know you?

done.

2006-08-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

teeheehee HELLO HELLO.

i dunno why, but i'm HIGGGGGGHHHH! HAHAHA. oh man, i think i'm going really really nuts. i have no idea why, but i've been feeling very happy and high these few days. and i seem to be laughing at every single thing. TEEHEE. NADIAH WHY YOU SO RETARDED AH?!?! ANYWAYYYY, today was NICEE. and so is any other day! HAHA. i shall post abt my day since i realised i haven't been doing that lately. TEEHEE. okay, school was so GRRRR, with practical test and maths test, my head was going to explode. and i'm so screwed for both of them. oh screwwwwwyyy. HAHA. oooooooooooooooohhh I WENT FOR TRNG TODAYYYY!!(((((: fine, it was only in school and only for one hour but at least its SOMETHING! WHOOWHEE. i was so glad to be touching the hockey stick and ball today, even though it wasn't my beloved grays stick. ): ooohhhh! after school, was HAHAHA. i think was being retarded in the canteen, laughing then screaming then showing constipated face then banging my hand on the table then ranting like shit. TSKK. oooh and me sarah ida were bitching. HEHH. i couldn't decide on what to eat (not my fault okay!) and when i FINALLY decided, tasneem made me eat at the basketball court. retard. after i ate, i got bored and i got so tempted to play basketball too watching everyone else play. so me tasneem and juanita christabel played basketball. and it was OMG AHAHAHAHAHAHA HILAROUS HILAROUS! i think i spent more time rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. nat was just sitting there and laughing at us la. TSKK. ARSEHOLEEEE. HAHA i dunno why, i just love saying that word.

HAHA then coach came and we had trng, just for one hour. we headed to delta after that to watch FOUR NATIONS! (((: it was men pakistan vs malaysia. OMG DAMN PROOOO DAMN PRO! we were just like woah-ing and omg-ing during the match. damn fast can! and the short corner, WOAHH! NUMBER SEVENTEEEEEN! malaysian player! HAHAHA(: oooh and sya's PAKISTAN LAST MAN is TALLLL! HAHA(: i felt more motivated to train harder and improve ( if i can that is ))))))): ) damn, i miss playing hockey ALOT. )))))): and i so badly wanted to watch the second match since it was singapore womens' team. damn. ): TEEHEEHEE.

oh man, i think i'm seriously getting more and more retarded and insane by the second. (must be tasneem's influence lah!) HAHAHA stupid BOLLYWOOD PARTNER. she's damn random and hilarious i tell you. and she cannot NOT be funny just for ONE day. AHAHAHA stupid tasneem(:

hockey, a beautiful game. &its not just a cca, its not just a sport. hockey = LOVESLOVESLOVES!

ooooh guess what! i know how to do the thingy that hazel fangying they all always does alr! HAHH! and i was annoying everyone with it. HAHA!

i dunno why, but it kinda hurts, but i guess thats okay. you dont need me anymore.

2006-07-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

no no, i'm not giving up. never.

thank you, really(:

& all i wanted was for you to be happy. i just wanted to make you happier after everything you've been through last year. but i don't think i did though.

i think i'm just thinking too much.

cause you're giving me more than enough when you said those three words.(:

2006-07-28T04:43:00.000-07:00

what am i to you? i tried, but i guess its no use huh? everything's different already.
remember those times? i miss those times. so so much.

would it be wrong to say that i want it all back?

& it was when i needed you the most that you weren't there.

i'm sorry, i couldn't. i tried.

2006-07-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

fuck you.

i'm sorry, i don't usually curse.

i just need to be alone.

2006-07-25T02:13:00.000-07:00

hey, hey, i guess its all over now huh? all those torturings and intensive trngs under the scorching sun for one and a half year, all our efforts, sweat, perseverance, i guess its all over huh? just 4 matches and it just had to end. cdiv hockey 06, you guys are just the best and i love you guys sooo so much. yes, we're out, but hey, at least we didn't give up till the last whistle was blown. when sengkang scored that goal, we fought back. we didn't give up when they scored. instead, we pushed on and pushed harder to get every single ball that came in our way. we made every effort to push that ball into the goal post. tell me, who scores two goals in two minutes after the opponent scored? and who cares if the umpire refuses to give us a goal, we know inside of us that it was a goal and we won. and we also managed to played as strong even though we didn't have our goalie, remember? great job grace! its all over, but at least we showed our fighting spirit to everyone. we showed everyone how strong we are. and we managed to make coach smile even though it was just for that few seconds. wasn't that what we wanted? to put a smile on coach's face? and even though it was just for a few seconds, but at least its something. and we did coach and our seniors and everyone else proud by showing them our fighting spirit and how strong we are. you know that we're winners inside. yes, i'm still bummed by the fact that we're out. i'm disappointed and i'm still dwelling on the match, even though i know i'm not supposed to, but i can't help it. but we know that we played our best. we gave it our all. winning or losing, thats just the outcome. what was most important was that we bonded and played as a team. you know that we deserved it more than any other team. yes you know that. but hey, i guess it just wasn't meant to be. it was our last match to end the season and i know that we played well, we gave it our all, so we go with no regrets yeah? and i'm soo sorry that not everyone could play when it was our very last match before the season ended. it was the last match to mark the end of crescent hockey cdiv 06. it was the last match that we would be playing as cdiv. i'm sorry. i can't imagine how painful it feels. i know that the next tournament is only next year, and thats bdiv. but we'll work even harder to achieve what we want for bdiv. remember what we promised our seniors during their finals? we still have bdiv. it was great being in cdiv, but i guess its time to move on. i'll always love and cherish cdiv 06 forever. the laughters, the tears, the sweat, the encouragement and support we gave to one another to fight on, every moment i spent with cdiv, i'll always cherish those memories. ooh and especially those games that we played. oh man, this is making me cry. oh man. time goes by so quickly. i love you guys soooo so much<3

and sengkang, thanks soo much for the silence you gave to us when the final whistle was blown. thanks soo much for the tears of sadness you shed for us even though you didn't have to. thanks for encouraging us and cheering for us when we were already in tears. really, thank you. you didn't have to. all the best for the semis, and know that we'll be supporting you guys all the way.

2006-07-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

HAHAHA okay i know i haven't been blogging but i've been pretty busy these few days with trainings and matches every single day. tired tired tired. monday monday! hey, cmon crescent hockey! lets give it our all tmrw. and no matter the outcome, we know that we tried our best. the main thing is we played as a team. we know we can do this! all the torturings and intensive trng under the sun, the theories in class, lets make it all worth it yeah? we know we want this. lets show it to them. i love you guys! win or lose, we'll stick together.<3 oh man oh man, just the thought of not making it to the semis scares me like shit. okay okay no, cannot think about it. we can do this! oh man i'm nervous. HAHA yuki has been asking me to update my blog everytime so i decided to update it. i'm having thoughts to delete my blog though, because i don't see any point of having one when all i do is don't update. and when i do, i'll post all the depressing shit. and................ i really dunno what to blog now. oooooh i still have so many uncompleted homework to do! OH MAN. i shall be guai and do them.

sometimes, i just can't help it but really feel like giving up when i try so hard and i see my efforts all going to waste. i thought it was all worth it. try harder and you see nothing at all. whats the point in that? oh wells. i guess it was all just a lie.

HAHAHA i just posted crap. but i got nothing to blog abt la okay! HAHAHA(:

1 more day of torture!((:

-

uh tag replies.

wolf: HAHAHAHA rauf you're really a weirdo! nothing else better to do ah go and tag as my name! and whats with the 2C1? how did you know my class? HAHAHAHA WEIRDO!

~*La Creme*~: YEAHHHH i haven't seen you since FOREVER! hurry come my house la! HAHAHA(:

sya: YEAH LAH see what great influence you are to me! and they're not GOOD ones okay! EH EH, buy dove tmrw before the match okay! bring money ah! HAHAHA! i love you, woman ((:

yuki: HAHAHA scraping shoes are fun okay! you should try it! but i wont scrape your shoes for you okay! and and drawing lacey stuffs on my foolscap paper is fun too! i got 3 more letters to do! HAHAHA(: HAIYAH i'm too lazy to relink la. i shall relink SOON when i'm uh not lazy?
HAHA(:

STEPH: HAHA HELLO STEPH!(:

2006-07-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

i'm sorry.
i'm sorry for everything that i'm putting you through.
i'm really sorry.

this is unfair.

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you Stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place

we'll be alright, we will.
we're strong, we can fight this together.
i'm sorry.
take my hand and never let me go.
Promise me you'll never let me go.

2006-07-09T16:35:00.000-07:00

woman, please please do cheer up! it really hurts to see you so sad and get so hurt, and sometimes i just wish i could take away all your pain, but i don't know how to. cheer up, babe! you'll always have me, always. i'll never leave you. cheer up! i promised you m&ms, your favourite summore! and you BETTER eat them, even though its unhealthy! so do do cheer up! i love you(:

2006-07-09T15:43:00.000-07:00

it's sunday today. so what am i doing at home? i miss rollerblading. i miss rollerblading with di, rafi and rauf in east coast every sunday without fail. haha i remembered i was racing with my brother and rafi seeing who will reach the finishing line first, at the gate there at the end of fort road, because they were doing some construction. so duh, i was speeding and i totally crashed into the gate. like really, can hear the BAM! damn loud summore. and everyone got shocked and was looking at me and asked me if i was alright. and di they all totally laughed their asses off at me can! but hah guess who won. me la! haha. yeah, i miss those times. hah i realised i'm always talking about the past and how the old times were, reminiscing of happy memories that i really really miss. i guess the older i get, the more i learn, the more mature i become, and its scary. how things can change so fast, and before you know it, everything's different. the way i see things are all different. sometimes, when people change, you blame them for changing, you want them to stay the same. you want everything to remain the way it was. i guess, your whole world changes when you change, when people around you change. HAHA malay! i am happy now, don't get me wrong, but i just can't help missing the old happy memories, and sometimes, you just wish you could turn back the clock. oh how selfish life can get. oh dearest life, why must you be so selfish?

2006-07-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

uh. tag replies? haha(:

wanting: uh do i know you? but whoever you are, thanks!(:

~*La Creme*~: i love diyana too!((:

mel: eh hello! green is soo much nicer than purple okay! seeee even you admitted that green is a nice colour. purple is a GAY colour. HAHA!(:

wolf: HAHA RAUF! how come you put your name as wolf?! HAHA! omg you actually read my posts ah? YES you're a weirdo because you actually read my posts when they're so long. haha! HAHA YES i know you're not botak anymore. so happy right? go back to brunei and shave it bald again! and don't you dare make me put my hands on your botak head! eee. HAHA! no, you're too old but still VERY VERY immature. who was the one who played wrestling in tioman with my brother ah? how MATURE was that huh? HAHA! and i'm not IMMATURE hello! i think i'm even more mature than you. HAHH! btw, i'm your NIECE HELLO! NOT your cuz! (does that make you sound old, UNCLE? HAHAHA!)

sya: ((((:

itaw: thanks!((((:

wolf: HAHA thanks rauf!(:

mel: MEL I'M HERE! HAHAHA(:

sya: OOH YEAHH! i remember too! you gave me ferrero rocher that you got on your birthday with those messages to cheer me up. cause i was really really depressed at that time. and it DID make me happy! those messages never fail to motivate and cheer me up when i'm down. really. thank you((: HAHAHA I DON'T CARE! i shall make you smile during mass run when mr m is there! and you call me crazy cause i laugh to myself when you're crazy yourself for smiling to yourself. who on earth smiles during mass run?!?! HAHAHA!(: show that pretty smile of yours, babe!(: HELLO! i'm not DISGUSTING okay! you're the one who's disgusting. i am DISGUSTINGLY HAPPY. HAHAHA SHYAN!((:

2006-07-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

omg i think keong is crazy, for giving us so much homework to do over the weekends. and yes, i'm actually doing my homework okay! surprising? i know, i'm surprised too. haha! i guess i've decided to turn over a new leaf for this semester and really get my priorities right this time. (but you cannot blame me if i keep getting demerits every week! HAHA) damnit. its only the what, second week of school? and i alr got two demerits. and one more for flash, and one more the stupid letter i havent given keong yet. thats like... four?!?! what is this?!?! thats unfair! haha. oooh mass run was funny. mr m pointed to sya and went "YES, I LIKE YOUR SMILE!" HAHA sya and her big big smiles. (: my mother just told me something just now and i swear i almost wanted to cry. sometimes, i'm wondering, if my grandmother was still around, things would be so much better. my family wouldn't be so screwed and messed up. but then again, i guess everything happens for a reason huh. haha i have no idea why i get so upset and down every single time the weekends come. i just feel like screaming in every part of my body now. maybe weekends are the times that i spend time with myself alone and shutting myself out from everyone else, keeping every single thing to myself. oh wells. oh damnit, there's this barbecue for i dunno what reason that we have to go to tmrw right after religous class which i go to right after trng, and honestly i'm dreading it like shit. honestly, i'd rather go to JB with di and her fam. i'm starting to miss di! hahaha!(:

hey hey hey, it's 2 more days! 2 more days! wow, THAT fast huh? haha(:

oooh my boyfriend come alr! HAHAHA di should know what i'm talking about. OMG DIYANAAAAA! he's damn cuteeee! aaahhh he kissed me! eh. di and mel, he's MINE la okay! he loves me MORE! omg damn cute! HAHAHA don't worry, i still love you. HAHA. whoops sorry, my boyfriend's name is izzy and he's 1 yr old. MY boyfriend, AHEMS AHEMS. HAHAHA(:

awww clarke kent no more powers alr! haha sorry, i'm watching smallville now. and my house is a total wreck now because of the children screaming here and there. so noise! my ear can just burst. haha.

in life, don't think how much pain you went through,
but the lesson it taught you;
not how much you cried
but how much you smiled(:
not how much you were hurt
but how much you were loved<3

let love be your companion
hope be your guide
and wherever life leads you,
keep laughter by your side

remember this?((:

2006-07-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

sigh, you wouldn't understand.

haiii, it's okay.

can i cry now?

2006-07-01T04:03:00.000-07:00

well, i know i haven't been blogging in a veryyyyy long time. school holidays passed by very quickly. u-15 hockey tournament was fun, just really exhausting since we had matches every single day. too bad i couldn't play for the last two matches since i went overseas. guess where! tioman! HAHA. tioman was really really fun too, and funny. besides the freaking hot sun and stupid sandfly bites that was itching everywhere. returning home sunburnt with really really ugly tan lines. even though i put damn alot of sunblock lotion. sheesh. haha. but yeah, tioman was just really fun. with funny funny and fun and stupid plus silly people in the dive centre and a cute boy to play with at the beach and get childish. hahaha me and my brother spent the whole time at the beach digging separate holes that could fit our whole body in. we competed with each other to see who could dig the biggest holes. haha everyone there thought we were crazy. then we decided to shoot wet sand at each other as we hide in our holes. coool. haha.and then i returned to the room that night with sandfly bites all over my body and it itched like shit. too bad the next time we're going there would be next year april. though i won't be missing sunburns, i'll miss tioman and diving and the funny fun silly silly people at the dive centre shitloads. haha. oooh and pulau ubin was damn fun too. haha me, my brother, di, rauf and rafi spent the whole day at pulau ubin and it was damnit fun. maybe i'll post some pics here when i feel like it. haha. first we went trekking, then we went cycling. fun fun fun! but i got really really dirty from all the mud in the jungle. and we saw lots and lots of cool things too. and the cycling down the slope was just WHEEE! even though me and my brother got injured and fell down the bike. HAHA! school is okay i guess. slightly weird huh, but hah it's okay. i'll just have to get used to it. i'm really really glad my parents allowed me to play for the hockey tournament, or else i'll just die. oooh speaking of which, tournament's starting next tuesday! and we get to skip lessons! even though malini refuses to let us off any earlier. hahh. but it's at NTU. damnit. i'm so used to playing at the pitch at delta. haha. i'm scared yet excited about it. but come on hockey cdiv, we know we can do this! lets give our all and make everyone proud. i love you guys!(:

trng today was haha okay, even though i haven't been training in a loooong time and i did pretty much alot of mistakes, especially during the attacking short corner. but well it felt really really nice to be back for trngs, even though the sun was freaking hot. i missed trngs like damn alot alot alot. HAHA(: physical was WAH, can die. okay i'm exaggerating. haha. then went home with nat. NAT YOU ASS! dowan to answer my question. haha(: ponned religous class to find out that there weren't any at all. WTH. all the chaos for nothing. haha. damn i'm tired. i'm off. (this was supposed to be just a short post btw. look at how long it became. sheesh. haha!)

babe, you were my closest friend too. the best friend i could ever ask for. i know i haven't really been there for you or spend time with you, and i'm sorry. somehow we drifted apart, maybe because of the things that has been happening, not that i regret or i blame you for it or anything, but yeah. maybe i'm the one to blame, i'm sorry. i'm just really really sorry. but it's like, it's so hard to find the time to talk to you alone and even when i do find the time, i feel guilty telling you of how happy i am when things aren't exactly the same for you. i see how hard you're still trying and how sad you are every single time and i just wished i could do sth to make you feel better. its hard, it hurts, i know how it feels like. now i look at you and it's as though i'm just watching you from a distance as i watch you so happy getting closer to everyone else but not me. you barely say a word to me now in school or trng. and well, yeah it hurts but i guess if thats what makes you happy, then i'm fine with it. you just mean so much to me, i don't want to lose you. i watched how i drifted apart and lose everyone in this world, because of mistakes i did and regret, and i just can't bear to lose you too. what would my life be without a nice nice friend like you? oh wells. i still love you, babe. maybe you don't, but i still do.

love,

your friend.

2006-05-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

remember the times, when we used to write letters to each other and you were always chasing me to reply your letters?

remember the times, that no matter how bad things were, we could always do stupid things and make each other laugh, as though the time had stopped and that things were actually fine?

remember the times, we used to shout at each other through the window on opposite blocks and we would do stupid things and just laugh together?

remember the times, we would sneak out to each other’s house in the middle of the night when our parents were asleep?

remember the times, it was the fasting month and we would wake up early in the morning and we would refuse to sleep back, just shouting at each other through the window, when everyone else was asleep, like as though it was only the two of us in this world?

remember the times, we would do stupid and crazy things through the window and you would pretend to be a ghost with your hair down and attempt to commit suicide? god, you never fail to make me laugh.

remember all those times, the fun times we had, the crazy times we had, all the laughters, the tears that we shared? i really really miss those times. i miss you. whenever i was feeling so down, i could always look out my window and there you will be, listening to everything i have to say and making me laugh. even though things were going so bad and the both of us had our own problems, we would laugh so much when we were together, as though the time had stopped. and you left without even saying a goodbye. now i look out my window when i feel down, i would always expect you to be there, but you’re not here anymore. i miss you. i really do.

2006-05-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

tag replies;

JANEEN; HAHAHA OMG janeen you're so retarded! HAHAHA damn random la you. nothing else better to do right! HAHA!(:

sya; HAHAHA ASTHMA! we are people who laugh like we have asthma! HAHAHA!(:

JOAN; NOO im not ALWAYS high! and i dont find everything funny okay! okay well maybe yes. HAHA. eh JOAAANN YOU VERY MEAN! how can you make fun of my hair and ask me if i brushed my hair?! YOU MEAN ASS! HAHA!(:

~*La Creme*~; HAHAHA he doesn like you! no la he didn tell me ghost stories la! even though i did pester him to. but he said that he will tell us in ubin though. HAHA! OOH COOOL! tampines strangler! HAHAHA. then rauf will probably come back to haunt you. HAHA!(:

itaw; yess? eh that name sounds really nice! HAHAHA(:

sya; sya i won't do that. though i seriously felt like doing that but i'll never do that. maybe. she was just testing me to make sure la. damnit.